Angst

Your words fill my heart with a strange emotion; it’s like seeing me in a mirror, a million crossroads ago. The words bring new possibilities that I had lost and may be with a sleight of hand, with a sudden twist, I want a victory in life, not beautiful words in multiple colours strewn across pages and pages of separation and absence.

The bondages don’t matter anymore nor the daily actions that need so many juggling roles; one to another switching lines and changing masks. Your angst matches mine and tears rise up in my eyes when I realise that what matters really is flying out of mazes, free and wild, without ever getting burnt in the riot of ecstatic freedom.

Time freezes and I always go back to the day we spoke; more or less clueless as to emotions; yet in a strange way feeling the way how words do not make sense any longer with the baggage that I carry and the familiar way in which my eyes longed to see what I saw till the magic was broken and the moment gone.

Many seconds passed before I felt what it is to come back before you and get back the same lovelorn gaze; many days, months, years may pass with the moment gone; while the writer’s words say it all, wasting away lives and crossroads all in the name of a love that never found a way to the lips, all in the name of a love that is so you and so me; and so perfect  

A cup of coffee

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
With a little milk to bring in the right colour,
Strong flavoured robusta with sugar added,
In my large brown mug, with a tome in hand.

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
With slices of brown bread slightly toasted,
A little marmalade and butter thinly spread,
As I read the current tome that I’m reading.

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
I dream of your eyes that drank my desire,
My eyes stay on the page and the storyline
But my heart falls back on our little fantasy.

For another day, when I drink you like coffee,
When you sip my desire your eyes only on me.

A fairy tale

Your thoughts fill me with a strange emotion;
I wonder how the crossroads would have been
Had we been together from a lost point in life,
That with a sleight of your hand you destroyed.

For me, the world looks the same like before,
Except the angst of your absence is never gone,
The fear of losing you that had happened once,
That grips me and finds solace in many words.

But this heart still yearns the story to be true,
This love of years that you never openly show,
While my pages of separation and absence grow
Into thick books that need no real explanations.

Had you said a few words right, my dear friend,
This would have been a life of true devotion.

Writing

A blank page listens in silence at this midnight hour,
To capture whatever is left behind from humdrum days;
A few words in black ink are scattered on these pages,
When I think of the fire in your brazen quick eyes.

The words that are scattered on scores of white paper,
Tell a tale of what would have if, had we given a try,
To the loads of fairytales that were possible in life-
Just a shot to what might have been probable earlier.

Yet you need no words from me; your life has closure,
While mine remains centred around the memory of a gaze,
One that unsettled some promises from another millenium,
Some unwritten ellipses of memory and my fond melodies.

Two spheres in their orbits, we are two true fools in life,
Too bad to be on a big colourshow in identical colours. 

Humdrum

The days have been so humdrum,

With blue sleepless hazy midnights

Words in blank ink scattered across

Scores of white scraps of paper.

You needed a few words from me,

Just to chase away the wild blues;

May be I was at a loss for words

With boundaries drawn around;

Now the colours are out on show,

In purple, indigo, green and white;
The shades of blue and black
Ink scattered on these blank pages.

Two spheres in  their orbits are

Two fools who can’t be fooled.

Sublimation

The dust in the hourglass falls down rhythmically,
While you and I negotiate on this slow-moving life,
Like the ancient master of absurdity had once wrote,
None comes, none goes, nothing happens- uneventful.

You and I have reached a point where we need to part,
You have miles to go to reach your true destination,
While I decide to stay behind hiding my hurt heart,
Nursing the wounds with a half-woven dream in words.

You and I lived together in a make-believe world,
You with your ready-made ideas of time-travelling,
While I went on weaving dreams of having a family,
All centred around your strong arms around mine.

For there is no going back, this absurd heart knows
For some solids shed no tears, those who sublimate.

Silence

There is no perfect life around;

Once there were limbs, dark

That should have been entwined

In embraces and songs to be sung

To cheer up our spirits low,

And fights that ended in kisses.

It was a perfect life that went by,

But these eyes mirror falsely

What once was so true for us,

Smiles for smiles, tears for tears

Not these shadows on the faces

That sense the imperfect us.

If it were that simple to set right

All the imperfections in me,

All the imperfections in you

No words are good enough;

For it all began with a smile;

And ended in perfect silence.

Chingam

When the much-awaited spring is around
You and I enjoy our days of togetherness,
The scent of sweet jasmines on our bed
Your fingers undoing my long braided hair.

My six yards of kasavu sari all crumbled
Around your two yards of kasavu mundu
The sweetness of these long waiting years
That finds its way into your limbs and mine.

We rest together after a sumptous onam feast
Amid smells of childhood and boatsongs
That you sing in your sweet mellow voice.
To the snake-boats across the River Green.

When the spring is finally around for us both
We reign an ancient king and his demure queen.

Message in a Bottle

You drink me with your eyes
Your slices of brown bread
Your mugs of black coffee

You think of yesterdays
Worry about tomorrows
While there is only the now

Wrapped is the present,
This time where dreams
Reign over reason.

Forget the lies of snow,
Forget the lies of words
Think only of the now.

Rush not stay steady
Drink your coffee black
Your eyes on me...

Sanctuary

Once we sat under the shadow of the red rock;
When we were wanderers across the fields
That night, we weaved dreams out of light,
Broke boundaries and wrote a life together.

We rode out together into the dark night,
Counting the stars and then stopping only
For brief respite and then starting again;
You singing with your shining eyes on me.

We dived into those cool soothing waters,
We slept under the canopy of those trees;
We quenched the thirst of these long years
With our hearts full and souls replenished.

When I woke up, scared of what I will see,
You were lying next to me smiling at me.

Family Heirloom

The first among the heirlooms was a strong voice
One of contradiction and strife that hung over us,
With each and every good occasion hampered
By the tears of some sorcery or pure discord.

Among the signs of feasting were the skeletons
Skeletons in the cupboard that could bring
Multiple calamities and emotional disasters
Though it might have been an era of sunshine.

What this clan received as heirloom was eerie-
An absence of joie de vivre or an angst of life
That stayed on a like a perpetual thundercloud
And burst into rains even in days of sunshine.

Yet the strength of this clan lies in its heirloom
Of being ever-ready in the face of disasters.

The Hats

When you work everyday
Wear this little white hat
The one with a cute feather
That makes you look good. 

When you read with me
Wear your dark red hat
For all the future visions
That life may bring to us.

When there is eternal strife
Wear your strong jade hat
That will give you the caution
Of the snakes, for your dove.

When you are down dear
Wear that pretty yellow hat
Which will bring to you 
Some bright lovely sunshine. 

When you feel really stuck
Wear our olive green hat
It can freewheel your mind
Into new pathways unknown. 

When you go out of control
Wear a blue hat and chair
Then you can come back
Straight into the green hat. 

If you have not noticed, 
We shift between all hats
Every single day of life
Don't ever wait for one.