Self

Not that I don't feel grateful for what you have been to me throughout the ages. Yet at times, my friend, I need to tell you that you have learnt to read between the lines in a superficial way, proving your brains faster than ever making an attempt to reach out and understand the meaning behind the words.

Sometimes, you need a lifetime to know histories, the wings that were broken so early by bearing so much that too so early in life. The indifference of loved ones, lacks that are spelt so clearly and in bold letters that you never had to undergo  shape the ones that you judge so harshly with your superficial understandings; but I can say for sure that you will never be able to do anything worth that is worth of criticism from others if you spend your time like this.

You know that I have been treading through these stations wearily as am a poor soul who lives with the little happiness that is tossed my way. Let me hold my treasures safe as you hold yours; for these are a refuge against a cold and broken reality. Together, we can create a new story, if only you are open for living in the present.

Love: Meera and Akash stories

“Where were you all this time? These months?” asked Meera. Akash said with a smile, “I was travelling in many lands, through deserts, over seas and oceans and learning more of life. “Did you ever think of me?” Meera persisted.

“All the time. You were with me every moment with every beat of this heart. When I crossed the rivers I took you in my arms so as not to wet you. When I traveled through deserts I kept you hidden in my heart away from the scorching heat. When I slept I dreamt of your soft hands caressing my face tenderly. Meera, you were with me every day and every moment.”

“You sweet talker! All the butter that you ate has gone into your words”. Akash burst out laughing. Meera pouted her lips. He was amused by her anger and kissed her. Then he took out his flute and played a melody she loved the most.

The evening sky was bright with a red light. The huge banyan tree they sat under was filled with chirping birds who were settling down in the evening. His melody calmed her and she sat near him with her arms around his dark body. Then she was strangely silent. “Why are silent today, Meera? Why are you looking at me like this?” She said nothing and went on looking at his face as tenderly as a mother would look at her baby.

“Don't ever go away from me, my dearest. Being away from you is death for me”, she thought of telling him. Her mind formed many more words but never said it aloud: “I love you. I need you. I promise you that I will love you, respect you and cherish you till the end of my life”.

“I am always with you, my beloved and I can hear your each thought, each sigh, feel your each tear too”, he whispered in her ears. “Then why do you go away from me?

He rested on her lap and played his flute. She moved her face close to his and kissed his eyes. Strands of her long hair were falling on his ecstatic face. His eyes were still like a calm lake. Then suddenly it started to rain.

The earth was dancing under the touch of rain. So was she dancing under Akash's touch. Neither of them moved and they sat under the banyan tree with the rain dripping through the branches and soaking them.

Akash got up to go and as he was about to go she ran to him. “Don't go away from me again” and started crying. His head was wet from the rain and she felt a strange desire to hold him close to her heart and never let him go any where.

After they made love, they rested together underneath the canopy of the huge banyan tree and dozed off.

But when she woke up, she saw that her beloved had left her and she was alone beneath that huge banyan tree. She sobbed “I am always yours Akash. Never to be touched by another”. Tears ran down her cheeks and in the twilight, her face looked so forlorn. Then, she recognised that it was just a dream and that her Akash was right there near her fast asleep. She snuggled against him and kissed the stubble on his face.

Dedication

January 1

The new year began quietly in the church during the holy mass. The choir sang the Ta Deum, to which I sang along quite gleefully. It was good to hear the sounds of the firecrackers in the distance. After the mass, I knelt down and prayed for the blessings that will come my way this year- blessings for my family and him, the one I love. I wondered where he might be now- at home or at some party with his friends.

In the evening, I got a New Year card from him- so beautiful that I went teary-eyed after reading it. wished him back. I thought of how I got friendly with him at work and from a complete stranger, he had become very close in a short span. Now, he is an integral part of my life and I feel that I need him to stay in my life. Regarding new year resolutions, I want consistent positive improvement in the six spheres of my life- physical, spiritual, social, emotional, financial and educational.

Diary of a Female Quixote

Silence

We stood before the altar of silence and I know that this was an amazing experience for both of us, for you who had stayed away from God, and for me, who have always revered the God of silence. Even, in those moments of silence, I have known that this was meant to be. Somewhere in my dreams, I have known a world like this, not in the exact details that matter in every way.

For the wise have written, it is written that whatever has to happen will happen. For a strange reason I’d never believed in this attitude and after coming here, am surprised to find whatever I’ve wanted put in a manner that I cannot believe my own eyes and this is really a wonderful way of understanding that life is kind towards you and me. 

For long, I went on defining you and me, as we are at this moment. You wait for words of praise from me, while I give silence; while I look for looks of appreciation from you, while you give inquiring glances. You speak at times, in tongues that I don’t understand and at times I do not want to comprehend at all what you leave unsaid with your silences. Yet I pause to listen, when your eyes trace my face for what I’m feeling. You say I bring sunshine to your hitherto drab life, that you have never known happiness like this and that these past days of togetherness are the best of your life.

I agree, though I feel the same, I keep quiet, for once uttered this might change into a cliché that needs to be repeated again and again, until the words become worthless like treasures from childhood. Instead I smile and keep your words safe in silence.

A cup of comfort

Your words taste like a sip of hot coffee
That I drink for comfort during my day
To soothe my throat, to bring some life,
To clear away all the weariness of spirit.

They pull me out of my tent of isolation
That I weave out  of every crisis I've been
They come out of things that hurt you most
To bring a catharsis always, laughter or tears.

They were about the troubles you overcame,
By finding relief in self-expression in words
Got comforted by strong shoulders, kind arms
And a strong loving heart you called home.

Far away or close at hand, this cup of comfort
Stays around with me like your coffee perfume.