Journal- Serious and Trivial

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Unhappy Endings

I was only ten when I learnt about unhappy endings.

Like when I knew my grandmother had cancer,

I kneeled in churches, for God answers a kid’s prayers, they said.

She died and I didn’t meet her to say one goodbye.

She looked like a horrible nightmare,

Not the one you saw last, not the one you loved,

A swollen, ugly remnant of what was once beloved, they said.

Once botched goodbye, an unresolved parting for a little girl,

There were no tears for her, only numbness that didn’t feel real,

From that chirpy girl who never gave her a proper burial,

Who died a little that day, with prayers unanswered,

Full of questions but never with answers or resolutions,

Now, I’ve grown older with bungled muted loves,

Improper goodbyes, giving up too easily, too easily.

In the dark rainy nights,
She sang lullabies to us,
In a very sweet voice.

The stories lived before us,
Brave knights and lovely ladies,
All fighting for love.

Both of us, listened wide-eyed
Lying on each of her arms,
As truth and love ruled.

Little did she know of its truth,
As we grew older, we realised,
With pain and disillusionment.

How our childish hearts soaked up,
These unreal tales of happiness,
And real love, truth and honour.

She said, love makes us whole,
She sang, never forget your truth.
She sang you are special.

Now aged and crooked, she sits,
She has lost her sweetness
And we, our innocence.

For him, love is sad and lost,
For me, love is cruel and lost,
For her, life is lonely and gone.

Yet the old hope in tales flicker,
When we meet a smile,
Of understanding in her eyes.

Patience

Unending Love by Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spell-bound heart has made and re-made the necklace of songs
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together,
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount
At the heart of time love of one for another
We have played alongside millions of lovers shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell –
Old love, but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you,
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life,
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours
And the song of every poet past and forever.

happiness

Loving others

self

I have a self that knows years of sense and more nonsense. I stand alone in crowds yet walk with you in green fields at the same time. I run in many new paths sitting at my armchair though I never leave my world but for fresh signs or old paths.

You are my other self, whom I do not know for I have never seen you as you really are, for I was struck blind by your light. Yet I know you were with me in each and every circle round the holy fire and will find you near me in every dream.

You are my favourite daydream that I return to time and again just to hold your hand in an unreal realm where rules don't matter and hearts speak only the truth. In another world, in a different circle of life, you and I will battle out our eternal game of love.

meditation

Love

The Come-back

The yellow metal lured while the frail fingers clutched,
Dark nights were denied sleep but love reigned,
In pale cottons with jerry work, in the silent long hours
Much run stories of mind, they come back vividly, like a cat,
Suddenly upon the threshold of my quiet life, intruding.
Where would I bury that secret desire, one long love?

One long love, the sacred spaces uttered fearlessly,
For this love that never was or will be bound by time,
Or by hands that touch or lips that kiss or whisper,
Only by a strange silence that tells you about me,
In circular miles that entangle with despair,
They begin nowhere and end nowhere,
A nowhere from where I turned
But couldn’t find you again,

When arms entangle in passionate whispers,
Diluting the ancient brine of all losses,
I wish with all my heart that I could erase
One whole day, one wrong word, one moment,
To bring back the same shadows of real life,
That glowed in dark nights a long long time ago.

One small step would have changed time,
If only you with your pale cottons,
Turned back and listened to what strange tales,
Others couldn’t say for they never knew
The world you were to me,
In a sacred space that I call my soul,
Not yellow metals that still clink melodiously.

self-love

Future

On books

A lot of books are published everyday on the works of great writers.When you read these books, you will understand that the interpretations given by these writers vary from what the original writers have thought about. Who would have thought that Hamlet would be accused of Oedipus Complex? So what happens is that these learned critics and scholars undervalue literature by giving undue importance to trivia.

Another major trend in the current academia is that literary theory is more important that literature itself. Since the second half of the twentieth century many theories have come into existence and they have replaced literature.What difference does it make to the reader to know that the writer was expressing his/her repressed thoughts through the use of a symbol in a poem under analysis? More than giving strange interpretations, what literature does is to change a perspective of life by providing a richer understanding of its mystery.

Simplify, simplify, simplify, said Thoreau. He was wise to know that most eloquent speeches were vacant of meaning or spirit. Many good writers write with a simple, unadorned style and it is not difficult to see the effort that has gone into developing such clear and lucid thinking. What I would like to know is how was your perspective changed on reading a particular book?

Déjà vu

Monday brought its blues

The pull between dreams

And the bitter reality

When you had to face

The same music, in the past

The fear of an ending

When there’s no beginning,

Without anything to say

Except a few bitter words

And as you say my lies

What can I say except

That you have no clue

What mess you will be

When all this finishes

Because I know well

Sometimes the heaven

Offers some warning

Some strange signal

For the weary traveller

To run away for life

There are no endings

Nor any beginnings

In a love like this

Only a pervading sense

Of our seamlessness

just be

Skeletons in the Cupboard

There is nothing left in the cupboard

Except the daily household items,

Coffee, sugar, bread and tea,

A few broken loves from the past,

A dysfunctional family of inferno

In time replaced by another

While time is spent in words

A precious gems that began

A few songs of silence followed

A few songs of remembrance

A purple riot that ran and bled

And the silence that it brewed.

Days of humdrum and misdom,

Always balanced by fantasies,

In colours of midnight blue

That brought out all old stories

The years that buried the dreams

And no secrets left except you.

actions

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Twin flame

How do you know if you have encountered your mirror soul? In this guide, we’ll explain the nature of a twin flame, and outline the most common signs that you have this type of bond with someone in your life.

The most common twin flame signs are as follows:

Intuitively knowing what the other person is doing, feeling, or thinking about. Plus, you find that they can detect the same things about you.
Sharing many of the same interests, values, hobbies, and preferences. For example, your twin flame probably has a lot of books in your favorite genre. Similarly, you likely gravitate towards the same food as well.
Often having the same thoughts or emotions at the same time, even if you’re in different places. When you’re together in person, this may result in you saying the same thing at almost the exact same moment.
Feeling a strong physical pull to touch and be close, whether in a romantic or platonic setting.
Having the same dreams at night, and frequently appearing in each other’s dreams. Sometimes your dreams will only overlap in theme, but the core message and feeling will be similar.
Feeling like you can easily communicate without speaking out loud. A simple glance will often be enough to tell you what your twin flame thinks about what’s going on around you.
Understanding complex or hidden parts of each other. This can be uncomfortable and confronting, but it can also be deeply liberating and validating.
Sharing some of the same vulnerabilities and weaknesses. You may see some of your old faults in your twin flame, or have some of your present difficulties highlighted by the way this person behaves.
Feeling like it’s safe and natural to be your authentic self around this person. For example, even if you’re normally shy, a twin flame will quickly make you feel comfortable enough to just be you.

Source: The law of attraction

The present

Possessiveness

I always thought I owned you heart, body and soul. Yet there were times, when you chose a companionship because it suited your taste. You never heard the pangs of my jealousy or my angst over your possession.

In the years, however, you and I changed beyond recognition. You became forgetful of the promises you made and became a wanderer in the green fields while I stayed happy being the air around you, worshipping you like a demigod.

When the wheels turned, our relationship crumbled and what is left behind is nothing but heartbreak. The angst of my heart is fresh like the yesteryears for you have always been a wanderer. Yet I refrain from criticising you this time, after all these years, for being your companion has taught me the taste of wanderlust.

Good Fortune

I love you

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

She

What dreams were hidden in those kohled eyes,
As she raised her dark eyes to his warm ones.
Even now she smiles as she talks to friends,
Or listens carefully to those words round her.

For in a moment of intense silence she forgot,
Whatever that she was before, in one embrace,
Never to be the same again before anyone,
Who knew her before as the chirpy chatterbox.

Now her days are spent in dreaming about him,
From that moment when their souls had mingled,
In a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words,
And the secret pleasures that togetherness brings.

She speaks not to her friends like she used to;
But dreamily lifts her eyes and smiles in silence.

Sunday, June 07, 2020

love

enjoyment

Sprout

You are the sprout that demands my pelting rain of affection, my tiny green whose footsteps fill me with pride with words that come right from the heart.

You are my sprout that loves everything green and creeps over all these broken walls of old houses and old loves and broken dreams.

You are my sprout that cuts through words, flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood, born out of a green dream of having a name to leave behind.

Forever Emerald: Confession

When he saw her after her moving performance,
He was too spellbound by the very sight of her,
She looked so beautiful in her turquoise dress,
And earrings that moved with her every move.

She asked him whether he had liked the song,
He answered by saying that it was quite soulful,
Then gathered courage and asked her firmly,
"Will you marry me? Will you be my soulmate?"

He narrated how she occupied his thoughts daily,
That there was no moment of peace in his mind,
He wanted to make her his wife as fast as possible,
For which she shook her head shyly and smiled.

A wedding raga played from the nearby temple
They looked at each other in surprise and bowed.