Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Angst



Your words fill my heart with a strange emotion; it’s like seeing me in a mirror, a million crossroads ago. The words bring new possibilities that I had lost and may be with a sleight of hand, with a sudden twist, I want a victory in life, not beautiful words in multiple colours strewn across pages and pages of separation and absence.


The bondages don’t matter anymore nor the daily actions that need so many juggling roles; one to another switching lines and changing masks. Your angst matches mine and tears rise up in my eyes when I realise that what matters really is flying out of mazes, free and wild, without ever getting burnt in the riot of ecstatic freedom.


Time freezes and I always go back to the day we spoke; more or less clueless as to emotions; yet in a strange way feeling the way how words do not make sense any longer with the baggage that I carry and the familiar way in which my eyes longed to see what I saw till the magic was broken and the moment gone.


Many seconds passed before I felt what it is to come back before you and get back the same lovelorn gaze; many days, months, years may pass with the moment gone; while the writer’s words say it all, wasting away lives and crossroads all in the name of a love that never found a way to the lips, all in the name of a love that is so you and so me; and so perfect  

The Zahir

It ends with a glimpse or a passing thought. It ends in obsession. I read the cover of The Zahir. Not impressed yet. It is not the first time that I have thought of buying it. I read the short summary at the end- it’s about a famous writer who discovers to his horror that his wife of many years has left without saying a word.

I start thinking. What can this story mean to me? The thought of a wife leaving a husband under mysterious circumstances is that  fascinating to me. Nothing. In fact, I think that it is in contrast to The Alchemist that was about following your dream, or to give a kiss to a woman waiting for you miles away just by blowing it to the desert wind.  I hesitate and read the epigraph. It is from the Gospel of St.Luke. Still not as interesting as to own a copy of it.

Then I turn two more pages and I read :

“According to the writer Jorge Louis Borges, the idea of the Zahir comes from the Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century. Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness”.

Immediately I understand that it holds an answer to something that I was searching for.  Obsessions-ideas, people, songs and books- that's something I really identify with.

There are only a few books that I have read burning the midnight oil. The gripping, un-put-downable handful like Anna Karenina, Memoirs of a Geisha and The French Lieutenant’s Woman. The Zahir was one such book.

It is not really a search for the absconding wife, just as The Alchemist is not about a shepherd boy’s journey for treasure. The Zahir is a tale of self-discovery after long years of wandering in search of love.

Acorn and the oak tree

Giving

Nature

Miracles

The power of a smile

New Woman















 

This soul was once like a huge flame leaping to the skies,
Then it withered, dried and drooped to the very earth;
Sometimes, like Icarus, it leapt out of its many mazes,
But burnt out in the heady dash for total freedom.

Then she brought forth a new-born, a swaddled baby
She sang her magnificat of newly found motherhood;
The soul forgot its troubles for a joyous interval
And learnt how to escape the many mazes again.

Yet mostly this soul was a single-celled organism,
Cowardly and crawling in this huge universe,
Too silent, too shut out and too withdrawn,
Incapable of learning or making its way around,

Sometimes, it longs for the crazy days of yesterday,
When the sun of total freedom had burnt its wings.

Pic Courtesy: Icarus and the Sun by Serena-Moretti

Beauty

The road

Forever Emerald: The Journey





May be the long hour took me back to you,
Your eyes enough to bring life back to me;
The memory of your smile that has power
To lift my heart like the flight of a dragonfly.

The tiny little things that made memories,
Dreams of togetherness for you and me,
The blue satchel full of heavy bound books
And my eyes that search for you everywhere.

May be the days were not enough for us
To enjoy the sweet togetherness of ours,
As the train rides across the many stations,
Your smile stays all the time in my thoughts.

But this long journey was spent with you,
Your eyes on me, your smile in my heart.



Forever Emerald: Falling in love











May be it was the silhouette of her heart-shaped face,
Bent down in prayer before the silence of the temple,
Or may be the jingle-jangle of her heavy ornaments
That caught his attention and made him look at her.

What was it that made him feel so happy he didn’t know
But he wanted to see more of her and know her name.
He ran out into the courtyard just to have a close look,
To his surprise she looked startled and stared at him.

There was curiosity in the eyes that looked back at him,
Innocence, sorrow and timidity before his bold gaze,
Then she walked down the stairs conscious of herself
And there he stood too dazed to move or say a word.

He was so happy with this chance meeting with her,
That he thought of coming there daily just to see her.

Forever Emerald: Dreams Forever


Image result for Hum dil de chuke sanam

In the strange hours of this bright Diwali night,
He lay awake dreaming of the girl he had met.
His heart whispered to him a strange song
That spoke to him through her demure eyes.

He dreamt of the years that stretched ahead
When holding her in his embrace was a chance,
One that he would delightfully embark upon,
One for which his dreams took anchorage.

He dreamt of her in the bright years to come,
When dressed in red she was his lovely bride,
The one for whom his heart longs for everyday
The home to which he could return after work.

On that starlight night full of bright lamp-lights
His dreams made her into his soulmate forever.



Forever Emerald: Soulmate





In the early morning light, he felt so much happy,
Just to see her climb the stairs to the holy temple;
In his mind, he turned with a pleasant delight,
The many dreams he had woven only last night.

The feeling of having found a dream anchorage,
A future where his delights as a lover began,
Where she'd become wife and mother of his kids,
The home to return to and his soul-mate forever.

His eyes read her in a zillion searching ways,
Just to see what was so special about her today,
To remember the tiny details of her lovely face
Or the beauty of her gaze that she had returned.

As she climbed up the stairs , she saw him waiting
Gave a knowing smile as if she knew him well now.

Forever Emerald: Lovesickness


There was a dreaminess in her kohl-brimmed eyes,
And a glow on her warm honest face as she sat,
In the courtyard of her home dreaming of him,
The one whom her heart had made her anchorage.

Unlike usual, her books were not at her side,
She stared into the starlit night with hope
That tomorrow might bring him to her again,
For today she had not seen him at the temple.

The whole day long she was restless and wild,
For she wanted to roam around with him in mind,
For wherever she turned she caught sight of him,
Then felt it was just a thought in her mind.

For she often thought of his strong powerful gaze
That tore through her heart, soul and body again.






Forever Emerald: Love at First Sight

She stood before the holy place hands folded in prayer, 
Her face all aglow with simple beauty of her pure heart
Her eyes closed as she prayed for His sacred blessings
For enough wisdom, health and wealth to live well always.

When she stepped out into the courtyard of the temple, 
She saw herself staring at a radiant handsome youth,
Eyes aglow with innocent love and gentle playfulness
It was as if she was looking into a true opposite mirror.

She climbed down the steps, careful of her long dress,
Without meeting his eyes which searched her for a glance,
Her heart, a merry butterfly flew out of its long-lost shell
Flashed her the joys of holding his gaze long and steady.

She prayed for wisdom to guard her heart from his eyes,
And with sighs walked away from this love at first sight.


Saturday, December 02, 2017

Message in a Bottle

You drink me with your eyes
Your slices of brown bread
Your mugs of black coffee

You think of yesterdays
Worry about tomorrows
While there is only the now

Wrapped is the present,
This time where dreams
Reign over reason.

Forget the lies of snow,
Forget the lies of words
Think only of the now.

Rush not stay steady
Drink your coffee black
Your eyes on me...

Gratitude

Mother Earth

Spring

Abundance

Mother Earth

A Cup of Tea

Children's Day

Contentment

Gratitude

Knowledge

The truth

Adventure

Love

Rain

The storm

Walking meditation

Gardening

For a sapling

Arranging flowers

Open heart

Open mind

My garden

Roots and wings

Live in the moment

Oneness

Harmony

Choices

Nature

Happiness

Haven

Happiness

Suffering

Have an ecofriendly period!


Have a happy period ☺ says the Whisper  advertisement. In the olden days, "those days" meant that you could hardly get out of your room or do what you want. Going out of the house was forbidden in the case of most women. But with changing times, there has been a sea-change in the general attitude to the monthlies. Sanitary pads and their focus on comfort have liberated women from much of the taboo associated with menstruation.

With studies that show that the disposal of sanitary pads can be hazardous to the environment, there is a need to shift to ecofriendly and healthier versions such as reusable cloth pads or menstrual cups. These are conscious choices that can be made part of the monthly schedule. Join hands to reduce your ecological footprint!

Be yourself

Wind of Change: Menstrual Leave for Women Employees





Happy to read that two companies Culture Machine in Mumbai and Mathrubhumi in Kerala have announced period leave for women. What I felt is that after hearing so much about the kind of inhibitions associated with pregnancy and periods, one is lucky to have a non-compartmentalised and holistic view regarding women's health concerns.


It was only recently that I did a write-up on ecofemme and my perspective was that of a surprised consumer who is happy to discover new ecofriendly options. However, a female colleague was of the opinion that one shouldn't post these in groups where there are men. My perspective was that it was a general post (more an armchair philosopher post too) about reducing your carbon footprint. Hope the ladies will also become broadminded to understand that there are men too among activists and that women are not to be bound up in cultural taboos any longer especially if you have no fear talking about your periods or pregnancy or desires.







The walk

Springcleaning

Angst

Your words fill my heart with a strange emotion; it’s like seeing me in a mirror, a million crossroads ago. The words bring new possi...