Journal: Serious and Trivial

The pages of my journal await to record a few thoughts. These could serious, trivial or even a mixture of both just like life. All these rambling thoughts were gathered from the same quixotic heart that has loved to dream, to fly, to win and to keep.

The serious thoughts were all about love and the longing to be with the one you love and the need to make him your heart's anchorage and sacred space, how from a chance

acquaintance he grew into my world and how this love is celebrated in an alternate universe of togetherness. 

The trivial thoughts were scribbled on early mornings as a bundle of words in the dream journal as a celebration of the pure delight of being alive, when a burst of fresh air, a bit of bright blue sky or a belief in the goodness of life were more than enough to keep this heart on cloud nine. 

But the best ones are the mixed ones, a little serious and a little trivial about things that celebrate the joy of life that finds room in today's dream journal. 

Rebus Writing

A Lament about Lost Love: Unravelling the Heartache in K R Meera's "The Poison of Love"

Love like milk sours with time, leaving behind a trail of heartache and longing. K R Meera's poignant novella, "The Poison of Love," masterfully weaves a tale of tragic love, as embodied by the protagonist, Tulsi.

Tulsi's story is one of duty versus desire, as she finds herself torn between the comfort of familiarity and the thrill of passion. Her choice to elope with Madhavan, rather than marrying the dependable Vinayan, sets off a chain of events that ultimately leads to her downfall.

Through Meera's evocative prose, we experience the intoxicating allure of Madhavan's love, as well as the crushing despair that follows its demise. The author's vivid descriptions of desire and heartache are matched only by her unflinching portrayal of Madhavan's treachery, leaving Tulsi to pick up the shattered remnants of her life.

As Tulsi's transformation from loving wife to grieving sadhvi unfolds, we witness the devastating consequences of her all-consuming love. The novella's non-linear narrative masterfully captures the fragmented nature of memory, as Tulsi's recollections of her marital life blur the lines between past and present.

Translated from Malayalam by Ministhy S., "The Poison of Love" is a haunting exploration of love's destructive power. This poignant tale of lost love will resonate deeply with anyone who has ever experienced the bittersweet pain of heartache.

13 Steps to Bloody Good Health

This book written by Dr. Mukesh Batra and Ashwin Sanghi gives you some tips on how to become healthy and energetic by taking 13 steps in that direction:

1. Sleep: Getting adequate sleep is necessary for maintaining your health. The book advises you to have a good sleep and gives you tips on how to enhance the quality of your sleep- by blocking out noise and light, taking melatonin supplements, following a routine, exercising regularly, managing room temperature, avoiding heavy meals and alcohols or stimulants before bedtime, limiting fluid intake and sleeping on a comfortable mattress and pillows. 

2. Hydrate: In order to stay healthy you need to drink at least two to three glasses of water per day. Water helps you detox, ensures that your kidneys function properly, cleans your gut, promotes weight loss, reduces water retention, regulates blood pressure and cholesterol, lubricates your joints, reduces allergies and headaches, reduces instances of kidney stones, improves mental performance, and improves skin condition and complexion. 

3. Nourish: A balanced diet is very crucial for maintaining good health though you need to eat with sense and in moderation. Your daily diet needs to have grains, vegetables, legumes, fruit, dairy and lean meats. 

4. Move: Exercise improves your mood, helps you sleep better, promotes weight loss and heart health, regulates blood sugar and has several other health benefits. The book advises you to have at least thirty minutes of physical activity five times a week. 

5. Digest: For having good health, you need to eat nutritious food and also maintain your gut health by taking more Fibre, avoiding antibiotics, ensuring timely bowel movements, exercising, avoiding processed foods, reducing gluten intake, using prebiotic and prebiotic, adding fermented foods to your diet eating slowly and preventing a leaky gut. 

6. Alkalise: In order to maintain good health, alkalinity is required and a balanced pH has several benefits for the human body. These include reduces internal inflammation, greater protection from heart disease, lower diabetes risk and stronger bone density. In order to achieve a balanced PH you can lower your intake of acidic goods, consume an alkaline diet, drink alkaline water, lower your medicine intake, manage stress as well as digestion. 

7. Breathe: Practice deep breathing exercises and you can improve your health by including these as part of your daily routine. These benefits include calming the lungs, lowered heart rate, releasing toxins, lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, strengthening immunity, improving digestion and enhancing memory. 

8. Supplement: You can take supplements such fish oil, prebiotic, vitamin D, magnesium, brahmi, protein, calcium, ajwain, ashwagandha, Holding, zinc, elaichi, jeera, mulethi, manjistha, neem, iron, vitamin C, delphinium, spiraling, glucosamine, tulsi and sesamin. 

9. Love: You need to have self- love and a positive self-image in order to have good health. This means completely accepting who you are and what you are. To love yourself, you need yo remind yourself that you are important, stop blaming yourself for things that go wrong, do things that make you happy every day and create a support system. You can improve your relationship with your partner by taking necessary steps to increase intimacy and keeping the playful element alive. 

10. Prevent: Rather than trying to cure your health issues, it is better to prevent them from occurring by taking steps when you see the first symptoms of ill health. Get medical checkups regularly and some of the routine blood tests to check the good functioning of the body. 

11. Moderate: You have live in moderation especially when it comes to work, device use, food, alcohol, exercise or even relationships . Digital moderation is relevant especially in the current scenario when people are glued to their devices all the time. According to a US study, a person spends around 4 hours a day on the phone and you need to limit your time to have better health. 

12. Relax: Stress can create a rush of hormones into the bloodstream resulting in various diseases. You can learn relaxation response through breath focus, body scan, mindfulness meditation, guides imagery, chanting, yoga or tai chi, massage therapy, laughter therapy, hydrotherapy, aromatherapy, music and art therapy and biofeedback. 

13. Rejoice: Do things that make you happy. You can do it by invest in relationships, set realistic goals for yourself, be nice to people, have fun, eat sensibly, exercise, cultivate optimism, live in the moment, practice relaxation techniques, feel relaxation techniques, feel attractive, laugh, talk, develop resilience, focus on positives and avoid negativity. More than becoming happy, you need to develop an attitude of contentment by becoming grateful for the life you have while fighting for the life you want. It also means learning to make the best of the resources available in life. 

The book gives you 13 steps on creating emotional and physical health. 

#drmukeshbatra

#13stepsseries

#ashwinsanghi

Journal: Serious and Trivial

The pages of my journal await to record a few thoughts. These could serious, trivial or even a mixture of both just like life. All these rambling thoughts were gathered from the same quixotic heart that has loved to dream, to fly, to win and to keep.

The serious thoughts were all about love and the longing to be with the one you love and the need to make him your heart's anchorage and sacred space, how from a chance

acquaintance he grew into my world and how this love is celebrated in an alternate universe of togetherness. 

The trivial thoughts were scribbled on early mornings as a bundle of words in the dream journal as a celebration of the pure delight of being alive, when a burst of fresh air, a bit of bright blue sky or a belief in the goodness of life were more than enough to keep this heart on cloud nine. 

But the best ones are the mixed ones, a little serious and a little trivial about things that celebrate the joy of life that finds room in today's dream journal. 

Dedication

You are my summer love, my love felt in the blood once upon a time in fairy land. I think I was living in the hundred acre woods with pooh, piglet and rabbit, that's how naive I was. 

You were like the rains during summer and you came with thunder and lightning and I remember the tiniest details we shared. May be we shared a bond where everything about the other person mattered a lot. 

You came with the rains and I became like an earth woman dancing to the rhythm of the raindrops on my tin roof. I remember how I would lie awake and listen to the pitter-patter of the rain outside and then go to sleep with nothing but your thoughts. 

The clouds still heave and burst into tears, every now and then and I still remember how I was like an earth blossoming after the rains. have never got a chance to tell you how much you mean to me for I want to hold your hand and tell you affectionately how you mean the world to me yet all I could do was to write some words scribbled on a page. Yet you are special by the way you bring back music to me; for I’d never forget that one day, when you made me understand that I had forgotten how to sing.

Every day, from dawn to dusk, your name is like a talisman that I keep safe from the world, till words form one by one and fill these blank pages. In an imaginary realm, I have walked with you across ages and from that moment became your soul mate and your only love. I would run your smile, every word you said and one little cryptic messages to each other and your funny way with words. 

May be this love stays with you for it was a perfect way to understand yourself and to grow in ways you never really understand. May this love was a constant solace that you ran to when beset with your world of worries and though near or apart stays with you as a special bond to look forward to, though we our bond does not have a name that the world understands. 

If I meet you in person, I want to tell you that you are my yellow and with all the words that I write, I love you more than anything else in the world and that I value your presence in my life. 

Girl in the Painting

This painting told the story of a girl who won the heart of the guy she wanted and how she turned into a woman from a naive young girl in a short span of time. Her song spoke of how her heart remained his in every circle around the sun till death separated them. Her song of triumph about how she overcame obstacles in her path of love was depicted in the painting for all to see. 

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

the unsent letters

Dear Sean, 

Looking at the snaps from our days of togetherness, I find us beaming the childhood smile grinning from ear to ear. 

It was like I had found a refuge from the strife of the world, a sanctuary of mutual understanding that no one could take away from me. 

We ruled like sovereigns in a land unknown to all in a world of dreams that nobody knew of. We wandered the fields of delight and our love was the most precious thing in the world. Our moments of togetherness were caught in the mind's eye and often on the lens. 

And, even after all these years, your love is the most precious sanctuary that I treasure the most, a safe haven that I return to time and again to find solace and comfort from the outside world. 

Love

Berry

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

Dreamtime

 

This is the part of the dreaming earth that you become part of when you sleep or when you reach the ecstasy of creation, the place from where you learn the mysteries of the universe, from this deep slumber where you wake up refreshed and rejuvenated. 

The place where your flow activities take you, where you lose your sense of time and you step into kairos time and return back to chronos time having been part of creative forces. 

The place where your body rests in the rhythms of nature, in the cycles of sun, moon and the transits of the planets and you feel one with life in the universe. Then, this food that you eat and the love that you cherish becomes medicine that feeds your joy of living. 

You learn that all this knowledge shared in the times about this universe is all relative and arbitrary; that you need to learn wisdom from the wise to help you live better and to trust your own intuition so that you can recognise what your heart wants. 

This rest, this break, this act of doing nothing but rest and sleep and restore has been nothing but magic, of trusting in the divine timing of the universe. 

shakuntala

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her ears as he sat next to her and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought.

#shakuntalam

The Garam Masala Box

The smell of spices wafting from the spice shop nearby took me back to the year we got married and started setting up a home for ourselves. As part of building a home together, I went visiting a number of shops and among the things I had bought was a traditional masala box along with many other things. The box filled with a mixture of spices sat proudly on our kitchen counter as a symbol of the culinary experiments that awaited us. 

As we set up a home together, every day became an adventure. In the arena of cooking, I found joy in recreating dishes that brought a sparkle to your eyes. The subtle art of blending spices, the dance of flavors, and the aroma of dishes wafting from the kitchen all combined to create a magical effect. 

The evenings, in particular, hold a special place in my memory. In the evenings, I will select and find recipes that you might like and carefully prepare a meal, anticipating the look of surprise on your face when you walked through the door, weary from a long day's work. The compliment that followed, accompanied by a loving glance, was all the reward I needed, warming my heart for a long while. 

Akashdeep

On a beautiful Diwali night, she stands on the terrace watching the many diwali lamps set outside. She is holding the traditional lamp they had lit together on their wedding day when he had brought her home. 

As she set the lamps on the terrace, she prayed for all the living and dead souls in the family. She prayed for her husband before the tulsi so that they can watch together a thousand full moons. 

On a similar Diwali new moon night decades back, he had brought her home a beautiful bride, dressed in red silks and jewels, covered in red from tip to toe and bathed in a vermillion glow. In the meantime a good old wedding song played in the background the whole night. 

“Where shall I place my lamp in your silent home? Where shall I set my this heart? Once I set my eyes on you, there haven't been any other thought. You light up my life with your love and on this festival of lights I remember the time when we fell in love with each other. I love it when you hold me by the force of your love and do not let me go at all any moment. I have forgotten my roots and my troubles to come home with you and I will never leave your hand till the day I die, the song went. 

She feels at ease in her lighted courtyard, looks around and hums that song that was played on her first Diwali night in this home. She remembers how this place became her home after that day and she has always kept it well throughout the years. 

She takes a look at her husband, sleeping on his favourite armchair with a book in his hand. He must have slept off waiting for her to turn up after the household chores. She went up to him and caressed his unshaven face while looking at him affectionately. She played with strands of his grey hair while he moved and sighed in his sleep muttering her name. 

She goes on humming the same old wedding song and the sound of diwali crackers resound and echo across the whole place. She recalls how trials had come visiting them after their marriage and how they had stood by each other through them all. She thought of how they would celebrate this day every year as a reminder of how they had survived the obstacles that they had to face quite early in life and how this helped them bond with each other. 

Till midnight, she watches the diwali lights and the firecrackers from her balcony with him and they chat about the good times they shared and once again it's like the first time together. She smiled shyly at how he had looked at her with desire in his eyes, the first time he had embraced her and told her how beautiful she looked in the red saree he brought as her manthrakodi. 

Shakuntala

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her eyes as she sat next to him and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought. 

Handpicked

You cherish the Earth's palette: mud's earthy brown, the leaves' vibrant emerald, the sky's brilliant blue, ocean's soothing aquamarine, and sunset's golden hues. Like an expert buyer of sarees, you select unique drapes that whisper stories. Your eyes settle on a saree that captivates you and its pattern talks of a lifelong desire.

You marvel at how a maiden's love entranced her beloved, their hands entwined through life's joys and sorrows. Memories of your own youthful bridehood glow, basking in his love. Your heart skips a beat recalling his enchanted expression when you wore his favorite hue.

You remember his gaze of wordless wonder when you wear a beautiful saree he had bought for you. You recall his face when he first saw you in a saree and how he had looked at you in wonder. Inspired by this memory, I choose a neelakurinji printed drape waiting to bring that same awestruck look on his face. 

candid chats

Twinflame reunion

You are a wanderer whose heart loves to ramble and get lost in the beauty of nature. Sometimes, the lonely roads have worn you out and you have looked with jealousy at the togetherness that the ones lucky in their lives enjoy. 

The days were long where you did not have a soul to breathe your worries to. And despite the lonely hours spent by your self, you long for a companion who will complement you, the one who will finish your half-finished sentences or who might enjoy lying on the green grass on full moon nights. 

There is always this desire, the need for warmth, for compassion, for meaningless chatter and meaningful silences yet the road is quite lonely. 

Much later at a turnstile, you might meet a traveller in whose eyes you might see eternity, in whose warmth all your wanderlust might be kindled again, in whose extended hand you might see a soul connection. 

There might be others who have gone ahead and reached their destinations long ago but your blessing is that you value the wisdom taught by the lonely roads, the weary feet and the patience that these wanderings have brought. 

Your twinflame will make your appreciate the long days of weariness and when you begin a life of togetherness, it will be a like a dream come true, like the joining of opposites, and this reunion of your twinflame will bring back life to you years lost in unhappy searches.

healing

Give yourself more credit:
You’re healing while hustling, dreaming while doubting, growing while grieving, and building while battling.
Vex Kingp

First Love

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her eyes as she sat next to him and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought. 

Dedication

You wanted a book dedicated to you, my dear. I could write many a story of you and me, words and silence, music and love, rain and summer.

You are a sacred space that I have never left; a home that keeps me grounded to the world of dreams, though some are lost and some found again. For I’m like the proverbial woman who lost a valuable coin and has found it again after thorough searching.

You have a bowl full of colours that fetch you happiness every day; while I keep mine clean and empty for an impulsive act of alms from you. Someday, you might give me a little from the lot you have, just to keep me from starving.

You are my summer love, my love felt in the blood once upon a time in fairy land. I think I was living in the hundred acre woods with pooh, piglet and rabbit, that's how naive I was. 

You were like the rains during summer and you came with thunder and lightning and I remember the tiniest details we shared. May be we shared a bond where everything about the other person mattered a lot. 

You came with the rains and I became like an earth woman dancing to the rhythm of the raindrops on my tin roof. I remember how I would lie awake and listen to the pitter-patter of the rain outside and then go to sleep with nothing but your thoughts. 

The clouds still heave and burst into tears, every now and then and I still remember how I was like an earth blossoming after the rains. have never got a chance to tell you how much you mean to me for I want to hold your hand and tell you affectionately how you mean the world to me yet all I could do was to write some words scribbled on a page. Yet you are special by the way you bring back music to me; for I’d never forget that one day, when you made me understand that I had forgotten how to sing.

Every day, from dawn to dusk, your name is like a talisman that I keep safe from the world, till words form one by one and fill these blank pages. In an imaginary realm, I have walked with you across ages and from that moment became your soul mate and your only love. I would run your smile, every word you said and one little cryptic messages to each other and your funny way with words. 

May be this love stays with you for it was a perfect way to understand yourself and to grow in ways you never really understand. May this love was a constant solace that you ran to when beset with your world of worries and though near or apart stays with you as a special bond to look forward to, though we our bond does not have a name that the world understands. 

If I meet you in person, I want to tell you that you are my yellow and with all the words that I write, I love you more than anything else in the world and that I value your presence in my life. 

Morning

When you wake up early in the morning feeling quite content with life and you are happy that you have everything that you have always wanted in life, starting with the love of the one you desire.

You wake up feeling that all your desires are met as his limbs coil around yours early in the morning and when you wake up with your lips locked in his and mumbling good morning in his ears.

Your heart and soul are at peace and you look serene like a lotus in the pond, exactly where you are supposed to be. There is harmony in your soul because there is a brand new day to look forward to, full of new adventures.

More than usual, there is a need to do something
different ,out of ordinary on a morning like this. Though it's cloudy you decide to go on a walk outside after a long time, all because you feel high about the kind of joy you feel.

The roads are quiet and the city is silent. The signs of life are only few with a few bicycles in the road and people out for walking who like me has decided to celebrate this happy day with a morning walk.

On a day like this, much is done and much accomplished, when I woke with the sun and with your arms coiled around me. And, you feel excited to look forward to a brand new day full of exciting adventures and the memory of a perfect morning of love.

@

Making memories

I want to spend some time with you and I want to know everything about you. I want to spend all the best days across various seasons with you, wandering this world and learning more of you, what you are like and your likes and dislikes, creating some really good moments together. Someday, I want to look back and think that we were creating memories together.

I want to know close, read each and every look, every smile, learn your language and also what you say without using words. I want to see and remember how your eyes light up in a smile and how my world lights up with your smile and how this world lights up making it a better place to live.

Your fingers touch me and I forget myself and the worries of this world. Your lips kiss mine teaching me the art of love every single day.

It is with this pleasant feeling of being loved that I want to go to sleep at night and it is with the certainty of your arms around me that I want to wake up in the morning. 

Making memories

I want to spend some time with you and I want to know everything about you. I want to spend all the best days across various seasons with you, wandering this world and learning more of you, what you are like and your likes and dislikes, creating some really good moments together. Someday, I want to look back and think that we were creating memories together.

I want to know close, read each and every look, every smile, learn your language and also what you say without using words. I want to see and remember how your eyes light up in a smile and how my world lights up with your smile and how this world lights up making it a better place to live.

Your fingers touch me and I forget myself and the worries of this world. Your lips kiss mine teaching me the art of love every single day.

It is with this pleasant feeling of being loved that I want to go to sleep at night and it is with the certainty of your arms around me that I want to wake up in the morning. 

The Story Teller

Life was an open book;
Everyone knew everything
About her life and times,
And she was a storyteller
Creating happy endings
In the worlds to come.

There were adventures
Waiting to be written down.
When the words came to her
She set them in a beautiful script
With happiness, prosperity and love,
For themes in everyday life.

She was blessed with abundance
With music, books and coffee,
And always had anything she wanted
From the deepest desire of her hearts
And the lovestory that she wrote

Always had a good ending. 

#definitions

Soul connection

There may be millions of people in this world and the population increases second by second daily. I do not want to know about these millions of people because my subject of study is you.

There may be many songs that I have heard that belong to various genres ranging from peppy, soulful or sad. But these days, I want to be the song you were humming all day long.

These days, I want all my dreams to begin and end with you, I want to become familiar each and every contour of yours and trace them with my fingers.

I want to look all day into your eyes and feel the desire surge in them. I want to make you my entire world and my favourite soul melody.

There may be many millions around but the only cure for my ache is you and I want it to be you to be you, the only one at the end of every journey home and every single daydream.

Like many before us, we were destined to meet each other and change our lives forever. You and I share a soul connection that creates a world for each other in an alternate universe.

She

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him,  she withdrew  into her shell and started choosing her words carefully.

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him.

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace.

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her.

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms.

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings.

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her eyes as she sat next to him and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought. 

The serious and the trivial

In the midst of this summer tedium, we meet once again in the same old park that we used to spend our young days. In those days, you and I would enjoy roaming around the verdant campus talking of everything under the sun. 

The sight of the tall trees made us curious about the names and we were curious about the carpet of pink blossoms as well. It was with the same thirst of knowledge that you discovered the name of the tree to be tabeubia. 

Then there were the pink and white magnolias whose smells could make us forget everything. You and me shared serious thoughts about the angst of life and trivial thoughts about books, movies, music and us. 

When we meet again, it is like a springtime of memories flash before our eyes and your words fill me with so much of happiness. The shade of these  ancient trees forget the rising summer hear and the weariness that comes with it. 

You and I speak of our common love for words- poetry that has stayed constant throughout the years. You and me chat about the serious and trivial in the old hangout near the tabeubia trees.

positive thought

When you wake up in the morning, you can think of the ways in which you can be creative with the day. Most of the time, people are worried about the past or the future and they are not fully open to the present.

Today is a new day and then only then you will be able to understand the meaning of the word present, which also means a gift. That means to be fully open to the world of possibilities and like the poet says to wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. 

A lament about lost love: K R Meera's novella Meera Sadhu

Love is like milk, with the passage of time,it sours, splits and becomes poison.

The novel portrays the tragic life of Tulsi torn between duty and love and she chooses to run away with Madhavan instead of marrying her classmate Vinayan. She finds that though she loves Vinayan, she gets carried off her feet by the kind of love that Madhavan gives her.

She runs away with Madhavan on the eve of her wedding though she knows from his own mouth that she is his 27th girlfriend. Soon, she recognises that she does not have a role in his life and the story is a lament about lost love.

Through lyrical passages that describe the desire that Madhavan arouses in Tulsi, the author captures the beauty of love buy equally descriptive are her details about his treachery in love, the countless women that he has relations with. This wounds her and she grieves how she sacrificed her career and her life for the sake of the man she chose to be with in life.

The novel details the transformation of Tulsi from a loving wife to Meera Sadhu grieving her life and serving others in the ghats of Varanasi. The frequent shifts in time cleverly portray her memories about her marital life including the good times and the bad times.

Learning Curve

You read and study about the world and the things that you have an interest in. You never cease in your pursuit of knowledge and you do not rest for even a minute.

Whatever task you lay your hands on, you want to learn it and do it in a better manner and that is an your understanding of learning and becoming an expert in your daily tasks or bettering your work or learning how to cook your meals or learning how to please your lover.

Sometimes, you might learn a subject just out of pure interest without having any particular aim in learning it except for the pure fun of understanding what it is about.

People might ask you: What is the use of learning this now? Will this serve any practical purpose? But you tell that learning your area of interest is necessary for the purpose of developing your understanding of it and whatever you need to know, you need to know it urgent.

You have your idiosyncrasies and your quaint tastes in reading but you for sure that your knowledge will come of use someday sometime may be in another world that might be made complete by your deep understanding.

Your life gets meaningful by the very task of simplifying all tedious work through an overall understanding of how to make it simpler, better and easier.

My roots strangely

Sometimes, you learn how to feel this sense of belonging to an unreal world and I belong only to you, my love. 

I have never felt this sense of belonging to this place that I left as a child where my brother and I stood in the cemetery every year praying for his dead soul. 

I do not belong to my father's family since its all dead and gone, with a few bones scattered in a churchyard long and far away though you get occasional visits, calls and messages from people who look just like you. 

I  do not belong to the place where I grew up in my mother's native place beside the River Green, where it was always fun to be playing in water yet there were rightful inheritors who belonged just because they grew up there. Then there were homecoming that were full of affection from your grandparents or their visits to our city that were memorable. 

Now, I belong by marriage to a family which calls me my own though the blood that runs through my veins is hardly theirs and sometimes I get the feeling that I am home, finally free from this sense of not belonging. 

Do I belong to my co-workers who call me my formal name and I am a familiar stranger who does not have many stories to tell but nods and smiles and passes them by. Yet, there are times when you connect with someone and you feel that you have always belonged there and you sense this bond that goes beyond words. 

Then, in an imaginary realm, my love, you are the one who star in my all my dreams, the one whose thoughts occupy this arid life and I long for your presence just like one longs for rain in summer. 

You know me inside out like the palm of your hand or like the page of a well-thumbed book and what makes me a woman when I am with you. You know my

feminine spirit and tenderness and not my occasional clownishness in trying to belong to some name, some family, some tribe, where I do not belong.

It is to you that I belong, your complement that fulfills and completes you,  in the melting down of the barriers between you and me, and the all engulfing tenderness that follows our lovemaking. 

That is the space where I see myself as feeling belonged and as having a pet name that you call me an

Mogra

Do you remember the first Onam from your days of togetherness when your bed was bedecked with the intoxicating scent of jasmine flowers and you whispered sweet nothings in my ear. 

What do you want, you had asked me and I said I wanted you. You looked at with surprise and had laughed when you muttered, " you already have me and I will satisfy your desire whenever you want me". 

The jasmine plant had bloomed out of season and I had plucked the jasmines from the yard. It was the first time that they had bloomed and I kept them in a bowl of water throughout the day. 

Do you remember how you and I used to talk to each other about everything under the sun and how we spent our days of togetherness learning more and more about each other. 

Then I remind you every year on this special day how you and I will share our lives across ages and across time because I chose you to be my sun in all the worlds known. 

Like a creeper entwined on the tall mango tree, I wish we will stay together till a thousand moons. 

Celebrations

You could never celebrate this life fully for you were always weighed down by your worries. You could never let your soul soar to the skies for sadness cast its shadow like skeletons hung amidst sumptuous feasts to remind you that this too will pass. 

Every year, your birthday was a celebration of the mixed life that you had, full of joys and sorrows though you had to learn how to treat it with equanimity: for one learnt this bitter stoic attitude quite early in life. There was no better teacher than my grandmother who sang the way of the cross in her sweet mellow voice during Lent. 

For it was never an easy life; always a loss between the cup and the lip and when the ancient scale of weights is checked against feathers by the god of the underworld, he will not let you inside for its soaked with your tears for losses that you have suffered. Your heavy heart will never let you through. 

The City of Love

Take me to Paris, she said, for it is the city of love and light and when you add three letters to Paris, it becomes Paradise, a haven of complete freedom for lovers. Let us explore the city of love together and travel its nooks and corners treasuring each moment of our days of togetherness, enjoying the enchanting pleasure it offers the senses.

Why do we need to go to Paris, he said because you are my Paris and have always been my Paradise and you will always remain my haven. You are and always have been my dream and my Paradise is where you are. When you are around my world lights up with your smiles, my heart pounds a louder music on seeing you and my heart, my body and my soul just loves being around you. It is you that I want whether I am at home or in Paris or anywhere in the world and nothing in the world equals my happiness when I am with you!

Our Day of Love

When the morning light drained through the windows she opened her eyes. Slowly she became conscious of everything around her. Last night, she had fallen asleep crying. Now her heart was empty but soon thoughts of reasoning and doubt would cloud it again. It was a day she had dreaded all this time. Throughout all the happy days the shadow of this inevitable day was on her happiness, on their happiness.

Back from bath, she thought, this one day I can look like an unhappy broken-hearted girl and make him unhappy.  So she chose her brightest smile and her brightest clothes and put them on with care. He would be waiting for her at the usual place, with a smile. How will I hide my heart from him, her mind asked her. She walked to the usual place with a bowed down heart and a bright face.

From the first glance itself of her walking in that resplendent dress, he read through her veneer of cheerfulness easily. How to calm her, he thought. His heart wanted to protect her from everything, make her his, so that she would never have to face her troubles again. Yet he didn’t move at all and looked at her with the utmost attention.
As if to read his thoughts, she looked straight into his eyes, reading deep into his soul with her deep sad eyes. In that one single glance, much was said. Without even uttering a word, he understood that the end had begun and smiled like he expected it all along like a stoic warrior sentenced to death. She didn’t move but went on looking at him with the same calmness.
He moved his hand to touch her cheek. She twined his hand in hers and placed it against her cheek. Slowly a tear fell on his hand. Then more came while she sobbed aloud.

Now he couldn’t bear all this distance. He leaned close to her and kissed her forehead. She smiled through her tears and rested her head against his chest. Hugging each other, they sat for long in silence.

When her tears ceased, she looked at him with a strange calmness and smiled. This smile was from heart where a strange silence took possession of her. When tears had purged the dross out of her mind and the emptiness in the heart was gone, what she felt was hope. Nothing could cast a shadow on their bliss again. As long as they lived, as long as death took one of them away, there was hope for them. An overwhelming love for him flowed in her heart. She took his hand and asked him to hug her tight and not to let her go to a universe of loss. Her eyes filled with tears for an instant. He held her tight and promised her that his love will always be for her. 

Eternal Love

I think love at my age and yours means trying to understand each other's worlds through the medium of words, smiles and touch till you comprehend me and I comprehend you. It might not be possible to fully sense what the other says or does not say but words mean a lot in our relationship. 

That doesn't mean that there are disagreements between us or misunderstandings for we are from two different worlds of understanding and upbringing. I think we often make an attempt to understand what each other's words and silences mean. 

Though you are a caveman who withdraws into your moodiness and a nature woman who has her cycles of crests and troughs, we try to find meaning in our togetherness. It has always been my dream to wander the world with you- go places, find beauty in nature and in simple things and live life to the fullest. What I have always wanted is to wake up early and watch the streaks of dawn across the sky and then snuggle you to wakefulness.  

I have found love once again with you, recovered from the strife of this mighty world and restored the beauty lost in time and I might like to wear daily the colours of holi that you splashed on my face or may be celebrate love with a spot of sindhoor that you smear on my forehead or cherish a kiss that you planted on my cheek. 

And, you and I welcome each day with gratitude for another day of togetherness, hoping in our heart of hearts that we will stay together till the end of time enjoying our mutually shared life of togetherness, where we learn our lifelessons everyday. 

#eternallove

Recompense

For every word of harshness that you hear,
There is equally a word of love somewhere.
For the darkest hours of the wakeful night,
At the end of which is a beautiful dawn.

For the loss of innocence of childhood,
There is the growing maturity of years.
For the loss of a life near river green,
There is lot more sunshine to equal.

For the trenches that this life fell into
There are the new scales that it climbs.
For the years lost in search of dreams,
There are these words on a virtual page.

Which brings in daily, strange comfort,
For every friend lost, that of strangers.

Language

Do you mean the words you say?
Do we speak the same language?
Do we comprehend each other?
Do we share the same world?

For a while thought I was fluent in you;
Yet found out that we are from two worlds
Two different worlds of understanding
Where we do not speak the same tongue.

Nor do we comprehend each other,
Not any longer,  since we are strangers-
You come from your dark cave
And I still move in crests and troughs.

We, both having burnt
And trying hard to communicate. 

Songs of Sunshine

When the heart chose its path

And burnt all the other roads,

Reason was silent and sore,

But the heart hoped and loved

More than everything else.

In the days of radiant sunshine

Free and uncensored thoughts,

Effortless talk with smiles,

Laughter, kisses and love,

No bitterness was foreseen.

Now the sunshine is gone,

Replaced by the rainy days

Just like the pre-sunshine age

Each day after the other

Again an uneventful life.

The clock has been turned

Back to the mixed times,

Bittersweet and mundane,

Where no dark clouds were,

It is raining incessantly.

The days of sunshine are over,

With no hopes of coming back,

Angry words and accusations,

No daily downloads of news

Only spite and seething anger.

Yet this heart that forgot itself,

Became rougher and tougher

Day after day remembers,

The melodious tunes it knew

In the days of bright sunshine. 

Written in Absence

The monsoons

After the wrath of the scorching summer, you celebrate the advent of the monsoons along with nature an you forget the harshness of the summer season when you suffered spending counting days tilt the arrival of the rains. You remember the scorching heat of the summer season, the cool  summer rinks that offered you comfort, bathing in the sea very week and the unguents that helped you sleep at night.

You sing the songs of the monsoon along with the rain and you love listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops on the tin roof nearby. You rejoice like someone In the arid lands celebrating the onset of rains and delight in getting soaked to the bones in the first rain so much that your miserable summer is forgotten. 

Your mornings are spent snuggling inside your warm blanket listening to the rain bursting outside an the rhythm of the raindrops pitter-pattering on the tin roof close by.

 

Couple Goals

We have celebrated our days of togetherness as if each day was a special occasion, gone on adventures in the city, explored new nooks and corners in the city or even watched movies back to back on weekends. We have also captured our moments of delight on the lens enjoying the simple delights that life offers on the way.

You and I have woven many dreams of travelling in our days of togetherness and in some of these we have woke up in each other's arms every morning watching the streaks of dawn spread across the sky. We have watched the stars come out and gone to sleep snuggling each other.

You have come to my place of birth, to this house near the River Green and watched the snake-boats glide in the waters during Onam. I have dreamt of this mighty river at times when I have been away for long especially during the summer months and when one thinks of home.

May be we will find love once again and we will beam our childhood smile once again . May be we will dab our lives with the colours splashed from our memories. Once again, we will celebrate holi with spontaneity and with mischief like from a long-forgotten childhood.

Though times have changed, I still want to go on our little adventures with you and watch sunsets and sunrises or chat with each watching the night sky. I remember our good old days and think how your presence was a source of comfort though now the days are gone by and the magic lost from this life. Yet, you long for the same delight that you felt when you recognized a kindred wanderer in him.

I find that this heart might sing a song of delight and rejoice beyond words if you come back as my soul companion. At times, you search every face that you know for a semblance of this same dream, then feels depressed when you find it is nothing but a mirage and ends every such thought with heavy feet and grim thoughts.

You choose the same kindred spirit from the many that you know for its companion, for it has known its many ups and downs, the secrets that you will never say aloud and small talk that never used to run out about everything under the sun. You dream of the same face in every dream and though surprised by your heart's desire to be with your soulmate, you wait for life to resolve your worries turning a deaf ear to the noises around you the whole time.

Home

Home is where your heart goes back time and again, where you want to spend your quality time enjoying the activities that you like. Home is the elated feeling that you experience when you reach the city that you grew up after being away from it. You love glimpses of your city in films or snaps an even recognize locations just by looking closely at the public spaces.

Home is the city that you travel through every day and still feel that there is more to explore, places you have never been to and places which you know like the palm of your hand. It’s always with a sense of curiosity and streak of curiosity that you love to explore its nooks and corners along with your soul friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the museum campus or the beaches or the coffeehouses.

Home is your sacred space, the altar that you have created for everything that you hold close to your heart. Home is a place where I am comfortable, candid and naughty, real and authentic. Home is not four walls but the familiar comfortable space that you curl up with a well-thumbed book and a cup of coffee.

Home is you. You are my home, the safe space that you return to every time for solace far from the strife of this world. You are my home, a place of comfort that I want to wake up in and go to sleep in and cherish every time your thought crosses my mind. Home is your memory that I carry safe in my heart, safe and sacred like a talisman throughout the years and where I wander every time this world becomes too much to bear.

goat days

Goat Days

Goat Days, written by the Gulf Malayali Benyamin and translated by Joseph Koyillapally, is worth reading and worth remembering as well. Like Yann Martel's Booker-winning Life of Pi, Goat Days captures the ordeals of an innocent man in a hell beyond his imagination and creates an animal allegory to drive home his message. 

Najeeb has the typical Malayali dream, of being in the Gulf and sending money home. His desires resemble the luxuries of a Gulf-returned Malayali: “ a gold watch, fridge, TV, car, AC, tape recorder, VCP, a heavy gold chain”. He lands in Riyadh on a visa sent by his friend's brother-in-law but the life that awaits him there does not resemble his earlier idea of a gulf life. 

He finds himself in a masara tending goats, camels and sheep; working day and night; feeding them and milking them; in fact, living like one of them. He forgets even the simple pleasures of his former life such as wasing himself or even the right to privacy while defecating. However, he finds the company of the animals more comforting than that of the cruel and inhuman arbab. He longs for his homeland, the bath in the river, the presence of his family and for rain.When Najeeb breaks out of his masara and runs away, it is a huge step towards the unknown. Like Pi, Najeeb thanks God for being with him during his ordeal. 

Readable and memorable, Goat Days represents the ordeals of many Indian immigrants across the Gulf countries, the reality of which is glossed over by the glittering opulence of the few lucky ones. It is surely a slice of real life. May be a goat's life. 

I am waiting eagerly to watch the film adaptation and to reread the book to see the similarities and differences. 

Teddy Day: Dreams

Though we may be apart, in a sense we are always together, across all lives, present and future. For this sense of being alone, creeps on you even when you stand in crowds and even when you are with your friends.

You are my other half, my twin flame in this life, for it is with you that my dreams run wild and I weave stories of togetherness in an unreal realm. And, I have become like you in the years that followed.

In a way, when I look back on life, like a traditional Indian bride, I have walked with you around every revolution around the sun, I have stayed loyal to your love and held your name holy like a talisman.

You are my other self, whom I do not know for I have never seen you as you really are, for I was struck blind by your light. Yet I know you were with me in each and every circle round the holy fire and will find you near me in every dream. 

Even when I dream, you are with me and I return to your thoughts time and again just to hold your hand in an unreal realm where rules don't matter and hearts speak only the truth. In another world, in a parallel universe, we celebrate our life of eternal togetherness.

It is destiny that brought us together and again we spend our time chatting away about how life has been during these years of absence. I dream of a life of togetherness again, stargazing or soul gazing or learning more of each other.

And, though apart in real, in every circambulation around the sun, you and I will grow together in wisdom and though our lives will remain apart, you and I will find that this sense of oneness with each other in spirit, that itself is a reason for celebration.

#teddyday