Written in Absence

Dedication

You came with the summer rains
With thunder and lightning,
An explosion in the big silence
And left an upturned life,
But with a huge difference-
Your absence and memories.

You came with the rains,
When the roses bloomed
When the earth danced
To the rhythm of raindrops,
On the rooftop, dum dum dum,
In that house with a leaky roof,

While I’d lie awake and listen,
Watch out for the merciless rain,
Toss and turn on my bed,
Snuggle against the pillow,
Get up and move the furniture,
Come back and dream of you.

I’d look at those lovely roses,
And imagine a few incidents,
Run and rerun your smile,
Every word and every laugh,
Our cryptic mutual messages
And your funny way with words.

I’d go over how that mighty rain,
Peltered on our brown skins,
Tanned as you’d say,
Natural as I’d say,
Brown, plain and dark skins,

In that heavy sudden outburst,
There was nothing left to say,
Yet all that was left unsaid,
Was everything that we couldn’t
Speak, dream or create-
A language we couldn’t speak.

I’d remember how I could sing,
Stand, dream, sit, talk, laugh,
Everything except cry
Be myself beside you,
For you were never another,
Only my own self, my mirror.

I’d gather all these moments,
Treasure them in my mind,
For you are no longer here,
For you are no longer mine,
Only a story to remember,
Only a memory to erase.

This crying idiot you never saw,
Who hid behind all clownishness,
A love that searched ways to erase,
All barriers of words between us,
But never could utter a word
Or dream a glimpse of you.

For I can see you in my dream,
For your left reminders on my path,
Your voice, words and a model,
Which I unconsciously imitate
And respect to my own surprise;
It was not that long you know to judge,
Only a summer of well-repressed words,
Dreams and an unlived life together.

As I move on with new strength,
After troughs and crests of longing,
A few words to celebrate an absence,
A few songs that an clown offers
To kill a love that stopped this life,
To make you smile with remembrance
For being so big (not fat) in my eyes,
For you these Songs of Silence.

Woman

I have my ebbs
And my tides;
I change
My nature,
With the moon.
Yet my love
For you dearest
Comes back
In full circle.

An era of silence

The candle had burnt for two long years

The prayers countless that passed these lips;

So many scoldings that the ears pained to,

So many thrashings that this body bore.

All without a word of encouragement

A word of love or a word of consolation,

In those days when I was playing with fire

Much against my reason or my own will.

Afterwards the days turned into darkness

The lips stopped moving for miracles

For no molehills forget a mountain,

God was buried in those four walls.

You took away with you God and song

But now it’s all water under the bridge. 

Mentor

When I looked at the Christmas lights that year

It’s your special message that I remembered,

Then I thought of choosing a right gift for you

And couldn’t find anything good enough,

Then on advice from someone I thought wise

I gave you a diary with so many paintings…

Don’t know how you felt about it; free gift

It was but my friend admonished me so much

But I guess it had nothing to do with my gift

That you who were so dear went so far away

So far that you are more like a mirage than real

More like the taste of dreams from childhood.

I called you my mentor when you were around

Now eons later I still wonder if you liked my gift. 

Tiny Feet

May your tiny feet walk beside our big ones,
May your tiny, rosy, tender, toes learn to love the touch of earth,
May you know the night and the sunshine,
May you know your own darkness and light
May you hear the music of rain pitter-pattering on the roof,
May you believe in fairy-tales and epics, dreams and God,
May your eyes, bright and wild shine with laughter as kisses rain on you.
May you touch the tender velvet of flowers,
May you learn simplicity with grace,
May you bask in the beauty of your own souls.

May you learn to love the word and use it to heal all wounds,
May your light shine in our lives and make it lovelier than before,
May you love God as lovingly as you love your father.
May you spread the joy of life in everyone you commune with,
May your eyes be deep and discerning to know the world around you,
May your laughter and smiles be the sunshine in our homes,
May Lord bless you in every step, every dream, every moment of your life,
May you learn the art of transforming thoughts into action.
May you connect with goodness in every dimension,
May you love knowledge and use it with wisdom and serve.


May your heart be lifted by simple joys,
May you sing cheerfully and dance to the music,
May you heart be filled with love for God and others,
May you accept all blessings with gratitude,
May you value time and its passage.
May your thoughts flow in a clear stream of purity,
May you face the world with courage and love,
May your presence be a delight, your love a guide,
May you see change as a rule of life,
May you recognise the good in the rude and the shrewd in the nice.


May the fire of love burn bright in your heart,
May your dreams touch the sky,
May you heart bounce with joy at the sight of a bright blue sky,
May your soul move in unison with the winds, the waves and the orbits of planets,
May your being listen to sweet music sung by the tender moonlit night.
May you live by your own thoughts and dreams,
May you see the inner light in another's eyes,
May you trust in Providence for helping you every moment,
May you love beauty and create for yourself a beautiful life,
May the memory of lullabies bring comfort later in life.

May you value the lessons of life; its sudden turns and tides,
May the seasons teach you lessons of life,
May nature teach you the symbols and signs,
May spring bring you fresh flowers of joy,
May summer teach you courage and endurance,
May autumn talk with you about moving on,
May winter tell you hidden secrets of rebirth.
May you protect the earth from destruction and contamination,
May your life be spotless and pure, may your actions be wise and guided,
May your heart swirl in joy and weep in pain,
May you be courageous enough to weep and show your affection.

May you be kind, considerate, truthful and loyal in your dealings.
May you know life as a tough race as well as a beautiful day in the woods,
May you know its calm flow as well as its torrents,
May you learn the paradoxes and extremes,and find your own balance,
May you use humour to takethe dreariness out of tough times,
May you learn to love deeply, purely and passionately,
May you know our own strengths and weaknesses and strive to see them in balance,
May you learn what to love and what to hate,
What to choose and what to discard,
May you read with a smile all the blessings that a fond soul wishes for you!

That Summer Long Ago

A long summer of uncertainties, 

Blazed many unquenchable fires, 

Many that burnt and scorched, 

Swallowing words and feelings. 

A thousand dreams buried soon, 

The flow of nature bottled up, 

In thick maroon curtains of silence

That hung quite out of place. 

A mess of life that stopped there,

In that long summer somewhere, 

From where it has moved hardly, 

An inch to gain back its momentum. 

The words have become sacred, 

The spaces no longer accessible, 

But memory brings back dreams,

In words said, words left unsaid. 

A few lines of poetry can't reveal, 

A love that lies dormant in ashes.