Celebrations

You could never celebrate this life fully for you were always weighed down by your worries. You could never let your soul soar to the skies for sadness cast its shadow like skeletons hung amidst sumptuous feasts to remind you that this too will pass. 

Every year, your birthday was a celebration of the mixed life that you had, full of joys and sorrows though you had to learn how to treat it with equanimity: for one learnt this bitter stoic attitude quite early in life. There was no better teacher than my grandmother who sang the way of the cross in her sweet mellow voice during Lent. 

For it was never an easy life; always a loss between the cup and the lip and when the ancient scale of weights is checked against feathers by the god of the underworld, he will not let you inside for its soaked with your tears for losses that you have suffered. Your heavy heart will never let you through. 

The City of Love

Take me to Paris, she said, for it is the city of love and light and when you add three letters to Paris, it becomes Paradise, a haven of complete freedom for lovers. Let us explore the city of love together and travel its nooks and corners treasuring each moment of our days of togetherness, enjoying the enchanting pleasure it offers the senses.

Why do we need to go to Paris, he said because you are my Paris and have always been my Paradise and you will always remain my haven. You are and always have been my dream and my Paradise is where you are. When you are around my world lights up with your smiles, my heart pounds a louder music on seeing you and my heart, my body and my soul just loves being around you. It is you that I want whether I am at home or in Paris or anywhere in the world and nothing in the world equals my happiness when I am with you!

Our Day of Love

When the morning light drained through the windows she opened her eyes. Slowly she became conscious of everything around her. Last night, she had fallen asleep crying. Now her heart was empty but soon thoughts of reasoning and doubt would cloud it again. It was a day she had dreaded all this time. Throughout all the happy days the shadow of this inevitable day was on her happiness, on their happiness.

Back from bath, she thought, this one day I can look like an unhappy broken-hearted girl and make him unhappy.  So she chose her brightest smile and her brightest clothes and put them on with care. He would be waiting for her at the usual place, with a smile. How will I hide my heart from him, her mind asked her. She walked to the usual place with a bowed down heart and a bright face.

From the first glance itself of her walking in that resplendent dress, he read through her veneer of cheerfulness easily. How to calm her, he thought. His heart wanted to protect her from everything, make her his, so that she would never have to face her troubles again. Yet he didn’t move at all and looked at her with the utmost attention.
As if to read his thoughts, she looked straight into his eyes, reading deep into his soul with her deep sad eyes. In that one single glance, much was said. Without even uttering a word, he understood that the end had begun and smiled like he expected it all along like a stoic warrior sentenced to death. She didn’t move but went on looking at him with the same calmness.
He moved his hand to touch her cheek. She twined his hand in hers and placed it against her cheek. Slowly a tear fell on his hand. Then more came while she sobbed aloud.

Now he couldn’t bear all this distance. He leaned close to her and kissed her forehead. She smiled through her tears and rested her head against his chest. Hugging each other, they sat for long in silence.

When her tears ceased, she looked at him with a strange calmness and smiled. This smile was from heart where a strange silence took possession of her. When tears had purged the dross out of her mind and the emptiness in the heart was gone, what she felt was hope. Nothing could cast a shadow on their bliss again. As long as they lived, as long as death took one of them away, there was hope for them. An overwhelming love for him flowed in her heart. She took his hand and asked him to hug her tight and not to let her go to a universe of loss. Her eyes filled with tears for an instant. He held her tight and promised her that his love will always be for her. 

Eternal Love

I think love at my age and yours means trying to understand each other's worlds through the medium of words, smiles and touch till you comprehend me and I comprehend you. It might not be possible to fully sense what the other says or does not say but words mean a lot in our relationship. 

That doesn't mean that there are disagreements between us or misunderstandings for we are from two different worlds of understanding and upbringing. I think we often make an attempt to understand what each other's words and silences mean. 

Though you are a caveman who withdraws into your moodiness and a nature woman who has her cycles of crests and troughs, we try to find meaning in our togetherness. It has always been my dream to wander the world with you- go places, find beauty in nature and in simple things and live life to the fullest. What I have always wanted is to wake up early and watch the streaks of dawn across the sky and then snuggle you to wakefulness.  

I have found love once again with you, recovered from the strife of this mighty world and restored the beauty lost in time and I might like to wear daily the colours of holi that you splashed on my face or may be celebrate love with a spot of sindhoor that you smear on my forehead or cherish a kiss that you planted on my cheek. 

And, you and I welcome each day with gratitude for another day of togetherness, hoping in our heart of hearts that we will stay together till the end of time enjoying our mutually shared life of togetherness, where we learn our lifelessons everyday. 

#eternallove

Recompense

For every word of harshness that you hear,
There is equally a word of love somewhere.
For the darkest hours of the wakeful night,
At the end of which is a beautiful dawn.

For the loss of innocence of childhood,
There is the growing maturity of years.
For the loss of a life near river green,
There is lot more sunshine to equal.

For the trenches that this life fell into
There are the new scales that it climbs.
For the years lost in search of dreams,
There are these words on a virtual page.

Which brings in daily, strange comfort,
For every friend lost, that of strangers.

Songs of Sunshine

When the heart chose its path

And burnt all the other roads,

Reason was silent and sore,

But the heart hoped and loved

More than everything else.

In the days of radiant sunshine

Free and uncensored thoughts,

Effortless talk with smiles,

Laughter, kisses and love,

No bitterness was foreseen.

Now the sunshine is gone,

Replaced by the rainy days

Just like the pre-sunshine age

Each day after the other

Again an uneventful life.

The clock has been turned

Back to the mixed times,

Bittersweet and mundane,

Where no dark clouds were,

It is raining incessantly.

The days of sunshine are over,

With no hopes of coming back,

Angry words and accusations,

No daily downloads of news

Only spite and seething anger.

Yet this heart that forgot itself,

Became rougher and tougher

Day after day remembers,

The melodious tunes it knew

In the days of bright sunshine. 

Written in Absence

The monsoons

After the wrath of the scorching summer, you celebrate the advent of the monsoons along with nature an you forget the harshness of the summer season when you suffered spending counting days tilt the arrival of the rains. You remember the scorching heat of the summer season, the cool  summer rinks that offered you comfort, bathing in the sea very week and the unguents that helped you sleep at night.

You sing the songs of the monsoon along with the rain and you love listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops on the tin roof nearby. You rejoice like someone In the arid lands celebrating the onset of rains and delight in getting soaked to the bones in the first rain so much that your miserable summer is forgotten. 

Your mornings are spent snuggling inside your warm blanket listening to the rain bursting outside an the rhythm of the raindrops pitter-pattering on the tin roof close by.

 

Couple Goals

We have celebrated our days of togetherness as if each day was a special occasion, gone on adventures in the city, explored new nooks and corners in the city or even watched movies back to back on weekends. We have also captured our moments of delight on the lens enjoying the simple delights that life offers on the way.

You and I have woven many dreams of travelling in our days of togetherness and in some of these we have woke up in each other's arms every morning watching the streaks of dawn spread across the sky. We have watched the stars come out and gone to sleep snuggling each other.

You have come to my place of birth, to this house near the River Green and watched the snake-boats glide in the waters during Onam. I have dreamt of this mighty river at times when I have been away for long especially during the summer months and when one thinks of home.

May be we will find love once again and we will beam our childhood smile once again . May be we will dab our lives with the colours splashed from our memories. Once again, we will celebrate holi with spontaneity and with mischief like from a long-forgotten childhood.

Though times have changed, I still want to go on our little adventures with you and watch sunsets and sunrises or chat with each watching the night sky. I remember our good old days and think how your presence was a source of comfort though now the days are gone by and the magic lost from this life. Yet, you long for the same delight that you felt when you recognized a kindred wanderer in him.

I find that this heart might sing a song of delight and rejoice beyond words if you come back as my soul companion. At times, you search every face that you know for a semblance of this same dream, then feels depressed when you find it is nothing but a mirage and ends every such thought with heavy feet and grim thoughts.

You choose the same kindred spirit from the many that you know for its companion, for it has known its many ups and downs, the secrets that you will never say aloud and small talk that never used to run out about everything under the sun. You dream of the same face in every dream and though surprised by your heart's desire to be with your soulmate, you wait for life to resolve your worries turning a deaf ear to the noises around you the whole time.

Home

Home is where your heart goes back time and again, where you want to spend your quality time enjoying the activities that you like. Home is the elated feeling that you experience when you reach the city that you grew up after being away from it. You love glimpses of your city in films or snaps an even recognize locations just by looking closely at the public spaces.

Home is the city that you travel through every day and still feel that there is more to explore, places you have never been to and places which you know like the palm of your hand. It’s always with a sense of curiosity and streak of curiosity that you love to explore its nooks and corners along with your soul friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the museum campus or the beaches or the coffeehouses.

Home is your sacred space, the altar that you have created for everything that you hold close to your heart. Home is a place where I am comfortable, candid and naughty, real and authentic. Home is not four walls but the familiar comfortable space that you curl up with a well-thumbed book and a cup of coffee.

Home is you. You are my home, the safe space that you return to every time for solace far from the strife of this world. You are my home, a place of comfort that I want to wake up in and go to sleep in and cherish every time your thought crosses my mind. Home is your memory that I carry safe in my heart, safe and sacred like a talisman throughout the years and where I wander every time this world becomes too much to bear.