Journal: Serious and Trivial

The pages of my journal await to record a few thoughts. These could serious, trivial or even a mixture of both just like life. All these rambling thoughts were gathered from the same quixotic heart that has loved to dream, to fly, to win and to keep.

The serious thoughts were all about love and the longing to be with the one you love and the need to make him your heart's anchorage and sacred space, how from a chance

acquaintance he grew into my world and how this love is celebrated in an alternate universe of togetherness. 

The trivial thoughts were scribbled on early mornings as a bundle of words in the dream journal as a celebration of the pure delight of being alive, when a burst of fresh air, a bit of bright blue sky or a belief in the goodness of life were more than enough to keep this heart on cloud nine. 

But the best ones are the mixed ones, a little serious and a little trivial about things that celebrate the joy of life that finds room in today's dream journal. 

Dedication

You are my summer love, my love felt in the blood once upon a time in fairy land. I think I was living in the hundred acre woods with pooh, piglet and rabbit, that's how naive I was. 

You were like the rains during summer and you came with thunder and lightning and I remember the tiniest details we shared. May be we shared a bond where everything about the other person mattered a lot. 

You came with the rains and I became like an earth woman dancing to the rhythm of the raindrops on my tin roof. I remember how I would lie awake and listen to the pitter-patter of the rain outside and then go to sleep with nothing but your thoughts. 

The clouds still heave and burst into tears, every now and then and I still remember how I was like an earth blossoming after the rains. have never got a chance to tell you how much you mean to me for I want to hold your hand and tell you affectionately how you mean the world to me yet all I could do was to write some words scribbled on a page. Yet you are special by the way you bring back music to me; for I’d never forget that one day, when you made me understand that I had forgotten how to sing.

Every day, from dawn to dusk, your name is like a talisman that I keep safe from the world, till words form one by one and fill these blank pages. In an imaginary realm, I have walked with you across ages and from that moment became your soul mate and your only love. I would run your smile, every word you said and one little cryptic messages to each other and your funny way with words. 

May be this love stays with you for it was a perfect way to understand yourself and to grow in ways you never really understand. May this love was a constant solace that you ran to when beset with your world of worries and though near or apart stays with you as a special bond to look forward to, though we our bond does not have a name that the world understands. 

If I meet you in person, I want to tell you that you are my yellow and with all the words that I write, I love you more than anything else in the world and that I value your presence in my life. 

Girl in the Painting

This painting told the story of a girl who won the heart of the guy she wanted and how she turned into a woman from a naive young girl in a short span of time. Her song spoke of how her heart remained his in every circle around the sun till death separated them. Her song of triumph about how she overcame obstacles in her path of love was depicted in the painting for all to see. 

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

the unsent letters

Dear Sean, 

Looking at the snaps from our days of togetherness, I find us beaming the childhood smile grinning from ear to ear. 

It was like I had found a refuge from the strife of the world, a sanctuary of mutual understanding that no one could take away from me. 

We ruled like sovereigns in a land unknown to all in a world of dreams that nobody knew of. We wandered the fields of delight and our love was the most precious thing in the world. Our moments of togetherness were caught in the mind's eye and often on the lens. 

And, even after all these years, your love is the most precious sanctuary that I treasure the most, a safe haven that I return to time and again to find solace and comfort from the outside world. 

Love

Berry

home

Once again, you are back in the city that you grew up in and you know it like the palm of your hand. You love exploring its nooks along with your friend and you just love the comfort of your favourite hangouts such as the Museum or the coffee houses or roads.

These are the same places you have walked along with your friend on your daily walks from the bus stop to your house and the hangouts that you shared from college days sharing the cutlets and coffees from the Indian Coffee House.

When you were away for an year, you missed the fun, the food and the feel of your city. You missed the coffeeshops, the evening walks in the museum compound, the sweets from your favourite sweetshops or even the ease with which you could find what you wanted.

You love this city where you grew up so much that when you see in it in a film, you feel thrilled that it was shot in your city. You love to learn the lores of this place and explore new places just to quench your wanderlust. And  you spend the evening roaming around in the museum compound smelling the evening air and munching chaat under the ancient trees and it feels like you have come home again.

#home
#trivandrum

Dreamtime

 

This is the part of the dreaming earth that you become part of when you sleep or when you reach the ecstasy of creation, the place from where you learn the mysteries of the universe, from this deep slumber where you wake up refreshed and rejuvenated. 

The place where your flow activities take you, where you lose your sense of time and you step into kairos time and return back to chronos time having been part of creative forces. 

The place where your body rests in the rhythms of nature, in the cycles of sun, moon and the transits of the planets and you feel one with life in the universe. Then, this food that you eat and the love that you cherish becomes medicine that feeds your joy of living. 

You learn that all this knowledge shared in the times about this universe is all relative and arbitrary; that you need to learn wisdom from the wise to help you live better and to trust your own intuition so that you can recognise what your heart wants. 

This rest, this break, this act of doing nothing but rest and sleep and restore has been nothing but magic, of trusting in the divine timing of the universe. 

shakuntala

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her ears as he sat next to her and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought.

#shakuntalam

The Garam Masala Box

The smell of spices wafting from the spice shop nearby took me back to the year we got married and started setting up a home for ourselves. As part of building a home together, I went visiting a number of shops and among the things I had bought was a traditional masala box along with many other things. The box filled with a mixture of spices sat proudly on our kitchen counter as a symbol of the culinary experiments that awaited us. 

As we set up a home together, every day became an adventure. In the arena of cooking, I found joy in recreating dishes that brought a sparkle to your eyes. The subtle art of blending spices, the dance of flavors, and the aroma of dishes wafting from the kitchen all combined to create a magical effect. 

The evenings, in particular, hold a special place in my memory. In the evenings, I will select and find recipes that you might like and carefully prepare a meal, anticipating the look of surprise on your face when you walked through the door, weary from a long day's work. The compliment that followed, accompanied by a loving glance, was all the reward I needed, warming my heart for a long while. 

Akashdeep

On a beautiful Diwali night, she stands on the terrace watching the many diwali lamps set outside. She is holding the traditional lamp they had lit together on their wedding day when he had brought her home. 

As she set the lamps on the terrace, she prayed for all the living and dead souls in the family. She prayed for her husband before the tulsi so that they can watch together a thousand full moons. 

On a similar Diwali new moon night decades back, he had brought her home a beautiful bride, dressed in red silks and jewels, covered in red from tip to toe and bathed in a vermillion glow. In the meantime a good old wedding song played in the background the whole night. 

“Where shall I place my lamp in your silent home? Where shall I set my this heart? Once I set my eyes on you, there haven't been any other thought. You light up my life with your love and on this festival of lights I remember the time when we fell in love with each other. I love it when you hold me by the force of your love and do not let me go at all any moment. I have forgotten my roots and my troubles to come home with you and I will never leave your hand till the day I die, the song went. 

She feels at ease in her lighted courtyard, looks around and hums that song that was played on her first Diwali night in this home. She remembers how this place became her home after that day and she has always kept it well throughout the years. 

She takes a look at her husband, sleeping on his favourite armchair with a book in his hand. He must have slept off waiting for her to turn up after the household chores. She went up to him and caressed his unshaven face while looking at him affectionately. She played with strands of his grey hair while he moved and sighed in his sleep muttering her name. 

She goes on humming the same old wedding song and the sound of diwali crackers resound and echo across the whole place. She recalls how trials had come visiting them after their marriage and how they had stood by each other through them all. She thought of how they would celebrate this day every year as a reminder of how they had survived the obstacles that they had to face quite early in life and how this helped them bond with each other. 

Till midnight, she watches the diwali lights and the firecrackers from her balcony with him and they chat about the good times they shared and once again it's like the first time together. She smiled shyly at how he had looked at her with desire in his eyes, the first time he had embraced her and told her how beautiful she looked in the red saree he brought as her manthrakodi. 

Shakuntala

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her eyes as she sat next to him and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought. 

Handpicked

You cherish the Earth's palette: mud's earthy brown, the leaves' vibrant emerald, the sky's brilliant blue, ocean's soothing aquamarine, and sunset's golden hues. Like an expert buyer of sarees, you select unique drapes that whisper stories. Your eyes settle on a saree that captivates you and its pattern talks of a lifelong desire.

You marvel at how a maiden's love entranced her beloved, their hands entwined through life's joys and sorrows. Memories of your own youthful bridehood glow, basking in his love. Your heart skips a beat recalling his enchanted expression when you wore his favorite hue.

You remember his gaze of wordless wonder when you wear a beautiful saree he had bought for you. You recall his face when he first saw you in a saree and how he had looked at you in wonder. Inspired by this memory, I choose a neelakurinji printed drape waiting to bring that same awestruck look on his face. 

candid chats

Twinflame reunion

You are a wanderer whose heart loves to ramble and get lost in the beauty of nature. Sometimes, the lonely roads have worn you out and you have looked with jealousy at the togetherness that the ones lucky in their lives enjoy. 

The days were long where you did not have a soul to breathe your worries to. And despite the lonely hours spent by your self, you long for a companion who will complement you, the one who will finish your half-finished sentences or who might enjoy lying on the green grass on full moon nights. 

There is always this desire, the need for warmth, for compassion, for meaningless chatter and meaningful silences yet the road is quite lonely. 

Much later at a turnstile, you might meet a traveller in whose eyes you might see eternity, in whose warmth all your wanderlust might be kindled again, in whose extended hand you might see a soul connection. 

There might be others who have gone ahead and reached their destinations long ago but your blessing is that you value the wisdom taught by the lonely roads, the weary feet and the patience that these wanderings have brought. 

Your twinflame will make your appreciate the long days of weariness and when you begin a life of togetherness, it will be a like a dream come true, like the joining of opposites, and this reunion of your twinflame will bring back life to you years lost in unhappy searches.

healing

Give yourself more credit:
You’re healing while hustling, dreaming while doubting, growing while grieving, and building while battling.
Vex Kingp

First Love

She was what her friends called a naivete, a chatterbox who wore her heart on her sleeve. But when she fell in love with him, she withdrew into her shell and started choosing her words carefully. 

In her dark kohl-drawn eyes that looked up to his warm searching eyes, you could find desire and a strange reticence to be what she was before she knew him. She talks to her friends like earlier but smiles as she speaks, thinking of him. 

Those who knew her earlier finds her new behaviour strange for she was a chatterbox talking without restraint about what mattered to her. But she was not the same after she tasted love and she forgot herself in his first embrace. 

She spends her days dreaming about him and the secrets that togetherness brings and this is one sacred space that she does not want to share with anyone. Her friends tease her about her sudden transition but she smiles and changes the topic as if she does not want to talk about him and what he means to her. 

From that moment when their souls had mingled in a sweet ethereal melody beyond any words, she has become an earth woman celebrating her newly discovered feminine nature, a woman who is one with nature and its rhythms. 

She talks to her friends but not candidly like before and in the midst of her conversation with them, she falls silent as she dreams of him and the emotions that memories of togetherness brings. 

She dreams of the sweet nothings that he whispered in her eyes as she sat next to him and the love-light in his eyes that makes her bloom like the jasmine she wears on her hair. She keeps flitting to a secret world where being one with him- mind, body and spirit- is her only thought. 

Morning

When you wake up early in the morning feeling quite content with life and you are happy that you have everything that you have always wanted in life, starting with the love of the one you desire.

You wake up feeling that all your desires are met as his limbs coil around yours early in the morning and when you wake up with your lips locked in his and mumbling good morning in his ears.

Your heart and soul are at peace and you look serene like a lotus in the pond, exactly where you are supposed to be. There is harmony in your soul because there is a brand new day to look forward to, full of new adventures.

More than usual, there is a need to do something
different ,out of ordinary on a morning like this. Though it's cloudy you decide to go on a walk outside after a long time, all because you feel high about the kind of joy you feel.

The roads are quiet and the city is silent. The signs of life are only few with a few bicycles in the road and people out for walking who like me has decided to celebrate this happy day with a morning walk.

On a day like this, much is done and much accomplished, when I woke with the sun and with your arms coiled around me. And, you feel excited to look forward to a brand new day full of exciting adventures and the memory of a perfect morning of love.

@

Making memories

I want to spend some time with you and I want to know everything about you. I want to spend all the best days across various seasons with you, wandering this world and learning more of you, what you are like and your likes and dislikes, creating some really good moments together. Someday, I want to look back and think that we were creating memories together.

I want to know close, read each and every look, every smile, learn your language and also what you say without using words. I want to see and remember how your eyes light up in a smile and how my world lights up with your smile and how this world lights up making it a better place to live.

Your fingers touch me and I forget myself and the worries of this world. Your lips kiss mine teaching me the art of love every single day.

It is with this pleasant feeling of being loved that I want to go to sleep at night and it is with the certainty of your arms around me that I want to wake up in the morning. 

Making memories

I want to spend some time with you and I want to know everything about you. I want to spend all the best days across various seasons with you, wandering this world and learning more of you, what you are like and your likes and dislikes, creating some really good moments together. Someday, I want to look back and think that we were creating memories together.

I want to know close, read each and every look, every smile, learn your language and also what you say without using words. I want to see and remember how your eyes light up in a smile and how my world lights up with your smile and how this world lights up making it a better place to live.

Your fingers touch me and I forget myself and the worries of this world. Your lips kiss mine teaching me the art of love every single day.

It is with this pleasant feeling of being loved that I want to go to sleep at night and it is with the certainty of your arms around me that I want to wake up in the morning.