Letters to the Self

Dear Self,

There was a time when you were very naïve, when you did not know how to say no or how to turn down things that were not good for you. You gave more than you should have, often at the cost of your own peace, believing endurance was strength and silence was kindness. However, this led to lessons of suffering and bitterness that you learnt with difficulty.  

Growth came slowly, disguised as discomfort. The lessons you carry today were not easily earned; they were shaped by moments that tested your patience, trust, and resilience. Through bitter experiences and quiet suffering, you began to understand yourself better. What once felt like pain slowly turned into clarity.

With time, you have come a long way. You learned to draw boundaries and discovered the quiet courage in saying no. You now know that protecting your peace is not selfish but necessary. Every “no” you speak has become a gentle “yes” to your own dignity, time, and inner calm.

Perhaps you could have saved your energy and avoided many detours had you learned this earlier. Yet there is a strange comfort in knowing that wisdom arrived when you were finally ready to receive it. Even if learned late, this art of choosing yourself is deeply yours now.

Be gentle with yourself. You are still learning though you have arrived quite late on the scene and you are still in the process of becoming the self that you have always wanted to be.

Love,

Self

 

happy ending

magic

Song of the Summer

In the rising heat of the season, you dream of the monsoons, the waterbodies that give you comfort and tall glasses of cool and tasty drinks that offer you solace. You read up old lores on how the ancient Indian musician Tansen made rain with his raga Megh Malhar and the power of music to bring about change in nature. And, there you are lost watching a video online of an Indian musician sitting under a banyan tree singing this raga and in ten minutes, it starts raining all of a sudden. 

On the way back from work, you look with longing at the river nearby and long to immerse yourself in its soothing waters till you no longer remember the sizzling heat of summer. In the orchards, you watch how the waterspouts drizzle the plants to prevent them from turning wan. And, you long to play in the water like you did in a long lost childhood near the River Green. 

The fruit heaps on the wayside shop beckon you with their fragrances-guavas, watermelons, lime and mangoes. When you look at these and think of the cool fruit juices that you can make with crushed ice and some mint leaves. Yet, sometimes when no fruits are available, usually resort to your traditional summer drink of buttermilk that you enjoy making at home mixing the right amounts of buttermilk, shallots ginger, curry leaves, jeera powder and salt. And, you wonder how some simple ingredients available at home can create a magical drink that makes you forget the woes of this scorching season. In the lazy evenings, you smear yourself with turmeric and sandalwood in a routine to beat the heat. The sun shows on your face and in the exposed parts of your body way too much and the paste cools you down and helps you sleep better.

In this summer tedium, one longs for the beats of the monsoon,the warm smell of rising earth during the first rain, the lazy mornings when one sleeps in when you don't have to go anywhere and just like that in this between time of twilight, when the lamps are lit for prayer and prayers chanted in the temples, one dreams of home, of being one with you and one longs for the comforts of cool water and refreshing drinks.

#summer

Coorie

A Glass of Lemonade

Just like most of the weary traveler scorched by the summer heat, you dream of cool water bodies to immerse yourself in or of drinking tall glasses of cool lemonade or applying unguents on your hot and tired body. In many of your summer dreams, you recollect your childhood spent playing near the River Green and spend days eating ripe mangoes from the tree in your yard. You long for your childhood companions and think of the times when you could play forever in the cool waters. The summer also brings back your dreams of a loved one and the quiet knowledge of his affection, not uttered aloud everyday but read through the love-light that you read in his eyes.

In the midst of this tedious summer, you find reasons to celebrate- like the first rain that brings smells of the wet earth and a sense of coming alive with nature. You feel the same resurgent life as you step into the River Green and forget time in its waters. Or when you sip a tall glass of tasty lemonade from a wayside shop just to quench your thirst. This sweet and tasty taste of lemonade quenches your thirst but keeps you craving for more, and this becomes linked in your mind with summer heat. Like the love-light in his eyes that you recall every now and then, going back again and again to your loved one and your dreams of being one with him in all senses- mind, body and spirit- you dream of the tasty lemonade that comes back to you every time you think of summer.

And, though this love has lasted several summers not one and has awakened in  you desires too deep for words, your thirst for this glass of elixir and your love of your dreams have stayed the same throughout the many summers. 

 

Young forever

Dilly Dally

Journey

moving

Granny

Tribe

Home

alright

love

Cupcake

Love

Living

Gratitude

precious