Ancient Promises

Suresh was holding me by the arms and saying to Dr. Sasi, 'See this is what I mean. It's been like this for weeks now...all this talk about scholarships that don't exist...and running away with Riya...I can't ignore it any more, she needs help...she needs treatment. Sasichetta, help us!'

I could not believe my ears...Treatment?....Help? I started to struggle out of Suresh's grip as his plan dawned on me, he was trying to convince everyone I was mentally ill! It was preferable to have people sympathise over a wife who was mad than to bear the shame of one who wasn't mad but wanted to leave him.

Ancient Promises portrays the struggles of Janu in finding love and breaking away from the rules that limit her freedom. Audacious and original, Misra writes the story without the usual embellished writing of novelists. Only in the scene where Arjun and Janu meet after years, there is a little lyricism, where the prose flies like poetry.

Janu, a Malayali girl born and brought up in Delhi falls in love with Arjun,her senior at school. Arjun leaves for England for his higher studies and Janu's life turns upside down when she is hastily married off to Suresh Marar, a business magnate from her native town Valapadu in Alleppey.

Though she tries hard to belong to the newly family of wealthy and pompous Marars, Janu's dreams are shattered when her child Riya is diagnosed as mentally handicapped. Her life becomes a struggle to save Riya from the hostility of the people around her. She takes Riya to a school for children with special needs at the same time teaching children there. She finds out that in other countries' children with such defects as Riya's are not ostracized by society. She plans to take a course on teaching children with special needs.

Life drives her back to her Arjun. When she goes for the test in Delhi, she meets Arjun and the result is an explosion of desire and love that they had held up inside them for so long. When she comes back, she tells her husband about Arjun and asks him for divorce. Her husband convinces other people that she is mad and takes possession of Riya. But that doesn't stop her from going to England or from getting united with Arjun or from getting custody of her Riya.

Letters to a Young Poet

Go within and scale the depths of your being from which your very life springs forth. At its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must write. Accept it, however it sounds to you, without analyzing. Perhaps it will become apparent to you that you are indeed called to be a writer. then accept that fate; bear its burden, and its grandeur, without asking for the reward, which might possibly come from without.

Rainer Maria Rilke wrote these words to the young poet Franz Kappus who had sent the manuscripts of his poems to Rilke. Much to Kappus' surprise, Rilke read all the poems with genuine interest and he wrote ten letters to Kappus for the next five years. These letters were published under the title Letters to a Young Poet. These letters reveal Rilke as a gentle and large-hearted person who went out of the way to offer his encouragement to Kappus. A must  read for all aspiring writers, as a great writer like Rilke advises Kappus not to listen to negative criticism and to understand that a creative spirit has to suffer from aloneness in life. 

joy

dedication

Haenim Sunim

"We should love people like the sun loves the earth. The sun loves the earth without choosing to. It nourishes trees and flowers, expecting nothing in return. It does not withhold its rays but brightens everything with its presence". Haenim Sunim

This weekend I decided to take a break from my phone. My usual pastime is reading and started with a novel, I gradually drifted on reading my favourite topic: Buddhist thoughts. I have a few feelgood books in my collection, what I would call soulfood, what invariably keeps on going on especially after facing heartbreaks, of various sorts.

It was a calming experience to read The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, though the touch and feel of a colourful feelgood book is something that you miss on the black and white screen of your kindle, it is good to shut yourself down at the weekend faraway from the temptation of whatsapp and take time to unwind after s hectic week. I remember that I had posted a few quotes after reading Love for Imperfect Things by Haenim Sunim, I am reposting a few of the quotes from the author.

I feel that though the anxiety over unfinished chores is a regular problem, the time spent on nurturing one's broken self is a fruitful episode in a comparatively uneventful life.

Beginner's Mind

You have taught me the art of the beginner’s mind, taking small steps, internalizing the rules and learning day by day. Though this art of being completely aware in the present moment has brought in its turn, both happiness and sorrow.

This mind was often like a cup ready to be filled in, with nothing to boast of or previous knowledge to fall back upon. It often stood still in silence and dreamt of a peaceful future with its soul mate and at times set on its own charting out territories to explore.

Yet it knows how to balance its trust in the infinite gifts of Providence yet to keep its eyes open for the wonderful gifts that each brand new day brings.

A Perpetual Wish

Driftwood

There were many when we started our race, the young brimming with energy. Some went ahead while some took their time to learn the lessons their way. 

Some fell out from the race while a few plodded on weary and tired not sure of the way. The struggles were many- judging the path and its difficulties. 

When you reached a milestone, it was a new experience, a new lesson in courage. But there was none to stand by you for you were shaken by the knowledge of your loneliness.

Yet what matters the most are the years bygone and the wisdom learnt on the way. This is what I want to yell and scream at the top of my voice, " I may be driftwood but I have 

Signs from heaven

I have this personal belief that when you are really sad or depressed, heaven sends you certain signs to know that you are needed in this world. Not that you'll win a lottery or meet your soulmate, but small signs that are too much of an accident and surprisingly delightful.

As children my brother and me looked forward to every edition of Balarama, which was published every fortnight unlike now when it is published every week. We both would run for it and at times struggle to get it first from the old man who used to bring us paper.I remember running with toothbrush in my hand and toothpaste in my mouth to get it ahead of my brother because whoever gets it first could read it first after coming from school.It was a time of intense waiting and struggles and one book full of colours meant a lot to both of us. 

Its with the same anxiety though there is none to fight with now, we both being grown up and understanding, that I wait for the Literary Review page in The Hindu on Sundays. This is because of the column Endpaper by Pradeep Sebastian. His writing reveals a book lover with much sensitivity and understanding.  The article that touched me the most came some  years back in May. 

I was in very low spirits at that time. It was exam time and I wasnt able to study well with my project incomplete and my heart sore over something that I now consider very trivial. Agitated and worried with the exams and some nerve-cracking people around me, I went on doing a lot of self-destructive activities- like skipping studies, tearing up all diaries, cutting my long hair and getting mad at anyone who tried to advise me. A radical and highly rebellious state of mind it was. 

Then in the evening, I was sitting with a vacant mind and my eyes fell on this article. It was called An Unlived Life about a story called "Babette's Feast" by Isak Dinessen. It spoke of how a congregation without any unity is changed by a feast given by an artistic cook who gives up whatever she has for the feast. 

I felt a big calm settle over me as I was reading this. Right after reading it, I went to my room, closed the door and began to write about what was worrying me-my indecisiveness about the life and career I was to take. Not that the problem was solved that day, but it made me feel better.You don't know what saves you from killing yourself. May be a little kindness from someone. Or some signs from heaven that reminds you of your most precious gift. Not lottery. Or a soulmate. This beautiful life. The General in the story gives this speech:"We tremble because we imagine divine grace to be finite. We tremble before making our choice in life and after having made it again tremble in fear of having chosen wrong. But the moment comes when our eyes are opened, and we realize grace is infinite. We need only to await it in confidence and in gratitude. See! That which we have chosen is given us, and that which we have refused is, also and at the same time, granted us. For mercy and truth have had a lover, and righteousness and bliss have kissed one another!" 

happiness

Self-confidence

self-love

Identity

joy

Peace

message of love

My River Green

Me and my brother with a cousin beside River Pamba

Declutter

Adventure

The Horizon