Beginner's Mind

You have taught me the art of the beginner’s mind, taking small steps, internalizing the rules and learning day by day. Though this art of being completely aware in the present moment has brought in its turn, both happiness and sorrow.

This mind was often like a cup ready to be filled in, with nothing to boast of or previous knowledge to fall back upon. It often stood still in silence and dreamt of a peaceful future with its soul mate and at times set on its own charting out territories to explore.

Yet it knows how to balance its trust in the infinite gifts of Providence yet to keep its eyes open for the wonderful gifts that each brand new day brings.

A Perpetual Wish

Driftwood

There were many when we started our race, the young brimming with energy. Some went ahead while some took their time to learn the lessons their way. 

Some fell out from the race while a few plodded on weary and tired not sure of the way. The struggles were many- judging the path and its difficulties. 

When you reached a milestone, it was a new experience, a new lesson in courage. But there was none to stand by you for you were shaken by the knowledge of your loneliness.

Yet what matters the most are the years bygone and the wisdom learnt on the way. This is what I want to yell and scream at the top of my voice, " I may be driftwood but I have 

Signs from heaven

I have this personal belief that when you are really sad or depressed, heaven sends you certain signs to know that you are needed in this world. Not that you'll win a lottery or meet your soulmate, but small signs that are too much of an accident and surprisingly delightful.

As children my brother and me looked forward to every edition of Balarama, which was published every fortnight unlike now when it is published every week. We both would run for it and at times struggle to get it first from the old man who used to bring us paper.I remember running with toothbrush in my hand and toothpaste in my mouth to get it ahead of my brother because whoever gets it first could read it first after coming from school.It was a time of intense waiting and struggles and one book full of colours meant a lot to both of us. 

Its with the same anxiety though there is none to fight with now, we both being grown up and understanding, that I wait for the Literary Review page in The Hindu on Sundays. This is because of the column Endpaper by Pradeep Sebastian. His writing reveals a book lover with much sensitivity and understanding.  The article that touched me the most came some  years back in May. 

I was in very low spirits at that time. It was exam time and I wasnt able to study well with my project incomplete and my heart sore over something that I now consider very trivial. Agitated and worried with the exams and some nerve-cracking people around me, I went on doing a lot of self-destructive activities- like skipping studies, tearing up all diaries, cutting my long hair and getting mad at anyone who tried to advise me. A radical and highly rebellious state of mind it was. 

Then in the evening, I was sitting with a vacant mind and my eyes fell on this article. It was called An Unlived Life about a story called "Babette's Feast" by Isak Dinessen. It spoke of how a congregation without any unity is changed by a feast given by an artistic cook who gives up whatever she has for the feast. 

I felt a big calm settle over me as I was reading this. Right after reading it, I went to my room, closed the door and began to write about what was worrying me-my indecisiveness about the life and career I was to take. Not that the problem was solved that day, but it made me feel better.You don't know what saves you from killing yourself. May be a little kindness from someone. Or some signs from heaven that reminds you of your most precious gift. Not lottery. Or a soulmate. This beautiful life. The General in the story gives this speech:"We tremble because we imagine divine grace to be finite. We tremble before making our choice in life and after having made it again tremble in fear of having chosen wrong. But the moment comes when our eyes are opened, and we realize grace is infinite. We need only to await it in confidence and in gratitude. See! That which we have chosen is given us, and that which we have refused is, also and at the same time, granted us. For mercy and truth have had a lover, and righteousness and bliss have kissed one another!" 

happiness

Self-confidence

self-love

Identity

joy

Peace

message of love

My River Green

Me and my brother with a cousin beside River Pamba

Declutter

Adventure

The Horizon

For a New Beginning

Yellow Rose

The night may be dark and long,
For when the muse comes to you,
Some words make no sense at all,
For I write to send you messages.

What if they cut up your raw vein,
Or punch an old pain that hurts?
For now, I have nothing else to do
But spin yarns to amuse you and me.

But when your absence hurts me,
As heartbeats from distant deserts,
They echo here and I cannot sleep
On any night or lull my restless mind

For they think of how in a moment,
A nameless feeling overruled me
And then you were looking at me
With a new surprise in your eyes.

Though I was so naive those days,
I know the reason that your love,
Echoes in some other heaven,
Safe in the heart of a yellow rose.

Words

On some days of silence,
When we need nothing,
but only togetherness,
Your words lift me up, 
Like a caring hand,
Holding out to me.

I feel my heart, melt, beat,
Quiver and cry at your words,
Alive more than any other day,
Where there was space, 
And a false sense of happiness,
Now I feel, feel, I feel bliss.

Now am an earth woman,
Dancing with the rain,
For the love of my life.

New Year blessing

solitude