February

Mother Mary Comes to Me

When you read Arundhati Roy's memoir Mother Mary Comes to Me, you are reminded me of the world you stepped into when you first read the opening pages of The God of Small Things. Once again, you are a teenager reading about the Booker and the River Meenachil she has portrayed in The God of Small Things. 

 

Her memoir features her tumultous relationship with her mother whom she calls her shelter and her storm. The book is about her mother Mary Roy, leading educationist and the woman who fought for ancestral property rights in Kerala. Mary Roy was the founder of a school Pallikoodam in Kottayam and is depicted as a strong woman who stood for what she believed in and Roy traces how she meets Laurie Baker and his assistant, creating in her a desire to be an architect. 

 

The book begins with how Arundhati and her brother are addressless children trying to survive with their mother in the maternal family. Her mother had fled from Assam where her husband was working after their marriage ends abruptly. So, the first part traces her  childhood in Ayemenen in Kottayam and her youth as an architecture student in Delhi, her meeting with her future husband Pradip, the literary endeavours that she made throughout her life as a writer.

She has managed to capture the contradictions involved in the relationship with her mother- the devotion and the differences, the need to connect and the need to stay away. She reminisces about her writerly life and her various assignments. The book also captures the last days of Mary Roy including how the epitaph says Dreamer, Warrior, Teacher on her tombstone.  

Best Version

Reminders of Self-care

Forget

 

It is strangely pleasing,
To see that you remember,
Each and every word I said,
Every word of nonsense,
Recorded and stored,
In your fond memory
 
All the queer fantasies,
Uneasiness and likes,
Every turn of phrase,
Recorded and stored,
Carefully held close
In your fond memory
 
But I would rather you forget,
Every little thing, every word,
Than remember and store,
Treasure with sharp ache,
Going through every day,
Like on a bed of arrows
 
I would rather you change
Change with the seasons
Dance with the crowds
Shake with roaring laughter
Smile that slowbreaking smile,
Than ever remember me
 
Yet every night the candle burns,
With thoughts sent as waves,
Prayers that may or may not reach,
For all blessings to fill your hands,
And strength to forget, forget, forget
An intense slice of an uneventful life.
 

The plans

The Unsent Letters

Your Compass

Life's secrets

The Story Of Badhiya

There is a story about a cousin of the Buddha whose name was Badhiya. He was governor of a province in the kingdom of Shakya, in present-day India. One day a number of his friends who were monks and students of the Buddha came to him and invited him to join their community. He hesitated. As a governor, he had at his command many soldiers, a lot of money, and a very powerful position. But finally his friends persuaded him. He left it all behind and came empty-handed into the forest, where he was ordained by the Buddha as a monk. He didn't have a fancy house to live in anymore. He only had three robes, one bowl, and a sitting mat.

One night Badhiya was meditating at the foot of a tree. Suddenly, he uttered the words, 'Oh my happiness, oh my happiness. It happened that another monk was sitting nearby. The other monk thought that Badhiya regretted having abandoned his position as governor. So in the early morning l that monk went to the Buddha and reported to him. 'Dear teacher, late last night I was sitting in meditation. Suddenly I heard the monk Badhiya exclaiming, "Oh my happiness, oh my happiness." I think he has some problem.'

The Buddha sent his attendant to invite Badhiya to come. In front of a group of monks the Buddha said, 'Badhiya, is it true that last night during sitting meditation you pronounced two times the sentence, "Oh my happiness, oh my happiness"?" Badhiya said, 'Yes, noble teacher, I did pronounce that sentence twice.

'Could you explain to us why you have pronounced these three words during the night?' the Buddha asked.

Badhiya said, 'Dear teacher, when I was a governor my palace was guarded by hundreds of soldiers. But I was still very afraid. I was afraid robbers would come and kill me or at least take away all my valuables. So day and night I lived in fear. But last night I realized that now I have nothing to lose. I was sitting out in the forest at the foot of a tree, and never in my life have I felt so safe. Nobody wants to kill me anymore because I have no power, no wealth, and no jewels for anyone to take. I have nothing. Yet I finally have everything. I am touching such a great happiness and freedom. That is why I have pronounced the words, "Oh my happiness, oh my happiness." If I have disturbed someone, I am sorry. 

From Thich Nhat Hanh's No Mud, No Lotus

Self-care

dreams

self worth

Reaching out

1 January 2025

The New Year began quietly at 0001 while I was busy writing in my journal. This has been my habit for the last many years when I have found happiness in journaling about the passing year and the coming one. Unlike childhood, when the New Year began with prayers in the church with the Midnight Mass, the years since my marriage in 2008 have been blessed with midnight musings and nothing else. I have jumped like the proverbial monkey from faith to spirituality to religion to nonbelieving all the time and its hardly news that I don't go to church any longer though I am spiritual and read religious books of all kinds. There are sounds of firecrackers coming from the neighbourhood and every year, it has been a special New Year with the people singing Te Deum at the midnight mass. 

The Happy Ending

2026: The Year of the Fire Horse

According to Chinese astrology, 2025 was the Year of the Green Wood Snake. Next year, 2026 is going to be an Year of the Fire Horse. The year is predicted to be a year of courage, transformation and powerful movement. The last Fire of the Horse year was 1966 and the Fire energy returns to awaken passion and purpose. 

10 January

What you require is a realignment in your thinking as the self-help books go. Sometimes, you need to find stories of survival that are quite different from what you have known and it requires a good deal of strength to come unscathed out of a crumbled world. But you need words, stories, narratives and strategies that helped you survive. These words become reminders that you have survived and that you have learnt how to create new worlds out the remnants. What I say is that you need to realign your world from whatever pieces are left of you and build a new perspective that will help you in being happy. 

9 January

There are times when you want a happy ending in life either with the one you had married or with the one you love but when these thoughts strike you already make into some form of a fiction and you are already under the impression that happy endings are part of fiction and not life. You need memories of the past to make you understand that most of life are repeated experiences as Coelho says teaching things that one is not ready to learn. When I was younger, I was much fascinated by the connections between fiction and real life. There are times when you feel that your life resembles fiction and sometimes fiction is so life-like. 

8 January

This year I have observed the rituals of moving on to the new year and done some introspection at the end of it. In some places, they call it a year ending ritual of moving inward and thinking about what all plans you might have for your next year. These plans could deal with materialistic aims or spiritual goals. For me, I have always wanted to write a book and what I scribble down I want to edit and create a book that can be read by a general reader with curiosity.

I haven't written like this in a long time with only a few lines a day. This year, I got myself a diary with a green cover that says Save Our Trees, Save Our Earth. I am thinking of switching to the virtual format though as this business of writing down thoughts has become too tedious.

As I told you, this last year has been one of good fortune for various reasons. One doubts every year whether one has learnt enough. This life has been full of ups and downs, at times with nothing to bring in happiness. Despite troubles, one has survived though not overcome the obstacles that life threw in its paths. And regarding the blank pages, they can inspire a dull spirit by bringing back life. I felt something come alive within me as I stared at the fresh-scented blank pages and the urge to fill them took over every other feeling that I was having and I took my pen and started writing.