Conquer the self

Earth Hour 2018

The darkest hour

Angst

Your words fill my heart with a strange emotion; it’s like seeing me in a mirror, a million crossroads ago. The words bring new possibilities that I had lost and may be with a sleight of hand, with a sudden twist, I want a victory in life, not beautiful words in multiple colours strewn across pages and pages of separation and absence.

The bondages don’t matter anymore nor the daily actions that need so many juggling roles; one to another switching lines and changing masks. Your angst matches mine and tears rise up in my eyes when I realise that what matters really is flying out of mazes, free and wild, without ever getting burnt in the riot of ecstatic freedom.

Time freezes and I always go back to the day we spoke; more or less clueless as to emotions; yet in a strange way feeling the way how words do not make sense any longer with the baggage that I carry and the familiar way in which my eyes longed to see what I saw till the magic was broken and the moment gone.

Many seconds passed before I felt what it is to come back before you and get back the same lovelorn gaze; many days, months, years may pass with the moment gone; while the writer’s words say it all, wasting away lives and crossroads all in the name of a love that never found a way to the lips, all in the name of a love that is so you and so me; and so perfect  

A cup of coffee

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
With a little milk to bring in the right colour,
Strong flavoured robusta with sugar added,
In my large brown mug, with a tome in hand.

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
With slices of brown bread slightly toasted,
A little marmalade and butter thinly spread,
As I read the current tome that I’m reading.

When I drink you in like my cup of coffee;
I dream of your eyes that drank my desire,
My eyes stay on the page and the storyline
But my heart falls back on our little fantasy.

For another day, when I drink you like coffee,
When you sip my desire your eyes only on me.

A cup of coffee

Earth Hour 2018

The Present

The Night

Like sugar on my dark kitchen counter,
The night has spilled countless stars
And undressed fair jasmines in the bushes.

Life lessons

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A fairy tale

Your thoughts fill me with a strange emotion;
I wonder how the crossroads would have been
Had we been together from a lost point in life,
That with a sleight of your hand you destroyed.

For me, the world looks the same like before,
Except the angst of your absence is never gone,
The fear of losing you that had happened once,
That grips me and finds solace in many words.

But this heart still yearns the story to be true,
This love of years that you never openly show,
While my pages of separation and absence grow
Into thick books that need no real explanations.

Had you said a few words right, my dear friend,
This would have been a life of true devotion.

Forever Emerald: Tonight

His thoughts on coming home was just to see her,
He ran to the temple looking around the stairs,
He was startled by a mellow voice from close by,
But was surprised to see her on stage singing.

Only you, only you, her smiling eyes whispered,
As she sang a love song, unaware of the huge crowd,
For he couldn’t believe it, standing where he was,
How could she look before her, and see only him?

Her eyes illumine the words as a leaf under light
Her solemn face, singing of trysts at moonlight,
Like by magic took on a look so soft and tender,
By what spell or charm it still made him wonder.

Tonight, he planned that he will ask her mind,
Whether she will be his soulmate and future wife.

Forever Emerald: First words

When the daily meetings and the cherished smiles grew, 

He began to see her as the anchorage of his future dreams,
It's with her thoughts that he went to sleep or woke up with,
The pivot of his world, his reason to live with much energy.

The day on which he chose to speak with her was special;
There she stood outside the temple waiting for him to come,
For resplendent in a royal blue dress, she looked so restless,
From impatience at not being able to catch sight of him.

When she saw him, a look of relief passed her honest face,
Then she looked up at him as if to say something to him,
She stretched her hand and gave him some chocolates first,
Then softly muttered that it was her twentieth birthday.

He took the chocolates and wished her happy birthday,
Then caught sight of her smiling face and bright earrings.

Forever Emerald: Soulmate

In the early morning light, he felt so much happy,
Just to see her climb the stairs to the holy temple;
In his mind, he turned with a pleasant delight,
The many dreams he had woven only last night.

The feeling of having found a dream anchorage,
A future where his delights as a lover began,
Where she'd become wife and mother of his kids,
The home to return to and his soul-mate forever.

His eyes read her in a zillion searching ways,
Just to see what was so special about her today,
To remember the tiny details of her lovely face
Or the beauty of her gaze that she had returned.

As she climbed up the stairs , she saw him waiting
Gave a knowing smile as if she knew him well now.

Forever Emerald: The Journey

May be the long hour took me back to you,

Your eyes enough to bring life back to me;

The memory of your smile that has power

To lift my heart like the flight of a dragonfly.

The tiny little things that made memories,

Dreams of togetherness for you and me,

The blue satchel full of heavy bound books

And my eyes that search for you everywhere.

May be the days were not enough for us

To enjoy the sweet togetherness of ours,

As the train rides across the many stations,

Your smile stays all the time in my thoughts.

But this long journey was spent with you,

Your eyes on me, your smile in my heart.

Forever Emerald: Dreams Forever

In the strange hours of this bright Diwali night,
He lay awake dreaming of the girl he had met.
His heart whispered to him a strange song
That spoke to him through her demure eyes.

He dreamt of the years that stretched ahead
When holding her in his embrace was a chance,
One that he would delightfully embark upon,
One for which his dreams took anchorage.

He dreamt of her in the bright years to come,
When dressed in red she was his lovely bride,
The one for whom his heart longs for everyday
The home to which he could return after work.

On that starlight night full of bright lamp-lights
His dreams made her into his soulmate forever.

Forever Emerald: Falling in love

May be it was the silhouette of her heart-shaped face,

Bent down in prayer before the silence of the temple,

Or may be the jingle-jangle of her heavy ornaments

That caught his attention and made him look at her.

What was it that made him feel so happy he didn’t know

But he wanted to see more of her and know her name.

He ran out into the courtyard just to have a close look,

To his surprise she looked startled and stared at him.

There was curiosity in the eyes that looked back at him,

Innocence, sorrow and timidity before his bold gaze,

Then she walked down the stairs conscious of herself

And there he stood too dazed to move or say a word.

He was so happy with this chance meeting with her,
That he thought of coming there daily just to see her.

Forever Emerald: Lovesickness

She stood before the holy place hands folded in prayer, 
Her face all aglow with simple beauty of her pure heart
Her eyes closed as she prayed for His sacred blessings
For enough wisdom, health and wealth to live well always.

When she stepped out into the courtyard of the temple, 
She saw herself staring at a radiant handsome youth,
Eyes aglow with innocent love and gentle playfulness
It was as if she was looking into a true opposite mirror.

She climbed down the steps, careful of her long dress,
Without meeting his eyes which searched her for a glance,
Her heart, a merry butterfly flew out of its long-lost shell
Flashed her the joys of holding his gaze long and steady.

She prayed for wisdom to guard her heart from his eyes,
And with sighs walked away from this love at first sight.

Forever Emerald: Sleepless Nights

When she saw him waiting for her she smiled,
Her heart skipped a beat and she felt happy,
For this was what she wanted to do all day
The reason she was high just the other day.

She thought how she longed to see him again
The desire to be with him as his life-companion
To hold his gaze, to drink desire from his eyes,
And mulled over the last meeting in her mind.

The whole day, she spent lying on her bed,
With a book in her hand though she read not,
With the same page left unturned till night,
When she welcomed night with dreams of him.

The more she dreamt,the more restless became,
To toss and turn sleepless on bed till early morning.

Forever Emerald: Love at First Sight

She stood before the holy place hands folded in prayer, 
Her face all aglow with simple beauty of her pure heart
Her eyes closed as she prayed for His sacred blessings
For enough wisdom, health and wealth to live well always.

When she stepped out into the courtyard of the temple, 
She saw herself staring at a radiant handsome youth,
Eyes aglow with innocent love and gentle playfulness
It was as if she was looking into a true opposite mirror.

She climbed down the steps, careful of her long dress,
Without meeting his eyes which searched her for a glance,
Her heart, a merry butterfly flew out of its long-lost shell
Flashed her the joys of holding his gaze long and steady.

She prayed for wisdom to guard her heart from his eyes,
And with sighs walked away from this love at first sight.