Stop being judgemental

There are lots of issues that come to the mind when you think about dowry deaths. Being a woman, you see it interconnected with social conventions and traditions.

Do we teach our girls to think for themselves? Do we teach our girls to stand up ourselves? Though some incidents of violence force us to think twice about these questions, when thinking about the alternatives we fall upon the same solutions that our culture, traditions and mythology offer us.

One of the common problems that girls face is being married off without their full consensus because their voices are not heard. You listen to this complaint constantly from young girls even in these times. But they have no option than to succumb to parental pressure and get married off once they reach a marriagable age. Unless, of course you have a love interest and you choose to marry the one you love with or without the consent of your parents, most girls get married because it is the social custom.

Then of course, you silence a woman through various means, their need for independence, make them sacrifice their careers and hurt them physically, mentally and emotionally through reinforcing the same patriarchal values. A woman who responds is isolated from the rest of the community if she protests.

What I feel is that we all need to teach our girls to think for themselves and stand up for their truth. But, what I see is when women respond on social media against dowry, they are trolled for not practising what they preach. I think that is too judgemental because lots of people give advice because they don't want others to suffer the way they have suffered in life. I think we need to appreciate candid posts from women on this issue.

That also means that a lot of women might generalise their personal experiences because they don't want to wash their dirty linen in public.

I remember how my grandmother used to say that women needs to forgive like the earth does. It was so infuriating especially when it came to winning an argument against your male sibling. Later, I remember how a friend advised me to remain quiet if your husband fights with you. Good advice, but do they practise what they say. I don't think so.

It is high time to leave all these old adages alone and start thinking of new ways to live, behave and survive in a new world.

#dowrydeaths