From Your Valentine (1)

The night is quite cold. Even my bones can feel the chill of this February night. I don’t know what hour it is. Judging from the little glimpse from my barred window, it must be three hours past midnight. 

The morning is hours away and before I go to face my death, I need to see her just one last time. Julia, the daughter of the jailer Asterius will know about it for sure. Asterius thinks highly of me; so does Julia. If not for that herbal potion from my medicine bag, she would have died of high fever. 

 I’m no hero only a priest who became one to give praise to the Lord. But in the reign of the mighty Claudius, I dared to marry off young couples who loved each other. I defied an emperor who wanted all men to join armies and not to settle down in life. I think God will forgive me for what I have done for I know what it is to be in love.  

When she came to see me after her recovery, it seemed like Julia’s eyes had stars in them. She brought sweet pomegranates for me. I am sure this must have been the forbidden fruit that once tempted Adam and Eve. After that I haven’t slept a wink for her eyes have haunted me with their bright-eyed despair. 

Despite the sleepless nights, I don’t feel tired at all. The only thing that is before me is her lovely face. Nothing else. The young ones keep on throwing notes and flowers at my window. Here and there, I have seen her hand too. In the eyes of the world, I am a sinner for marrying off young lovers. But here, on the last day of my life, I regret the fact that I met my Julia too late. It is already dawn and I must write a farewell note to her and seal it with my purple amethyst ring: 

My Julia, 

My love, from the day I saw you smile,
From the very day you came to see me;
Don’t cry for me when I am gone away
For the merciful god will bring us together.

This letter I seal with my amethyst ring
For what you meant to me in these hours,
How dawn has come with your bright face
And taken away the strife of long years.

How I long to hold your hand in mine,
Or say one word expecting your smile,
How late have I come to know you dear
I regret on this last day of my life.

Our loyal hearts will sing in heaven
Though not in this life but eternal. 

From Your Valentine

To be continued...

Grand Rising

I have always carried you in my heart, safe from the prying eyes of the world and even after all these years, I find it surprising that you still remember me in the words you write. When I read your words, a springtime of happy memories flash before my eyes and feel transported to a different time when the heart was lighter and the steps sprightly. 

 

In your words, I read your need to store each and every fond word, every strange fantasy and strangest turn of phrase that I may have said. In them, I see myself attain a beauty that I never knew was mine, a strength that I have recognized only in the latter years. 

 

Sometimes, I wonder whether you will be truly happy cherishing a fond memory which is gone from this world. When I leave this world, I may close my eyes and be gone from this world in an instant. You might wait for me to respond to your voice then find out that the breath had left this mortal body. You might try to call out loud and retrieve my soul from the other world. 

 

In the days that follow, I will have a grand rising in another world. For, I will appear as the tiny sprout of grass on the ground you tread, or as waves that rise to meet your feet, or the air that blows around you or the raindrops that caress you with tender love. 

 

Everyday, I will be sending you letters in sky writing, as clouds that bring you rain and nourishment. And, I will be waiting for you to greet me, good morning.

Goodbye to 2022

2022 began without any celebrations and initially was marked with strife and trouble. It was also a time, one withdrew from the crowd and learnt how to come to terms with personal losses. 

It  has been an year of growth and healing for me. I have experienced that life is very different after the covid scenario especially when lots of people in this world have perished in the pandemic times. You have grown weaker since two or three bouts of covid and this has given you an insight about growing older and gradual passing over into middle age. 

I have felt that I have begun to develop a deeper understanding about my own self and the external world. I often wonder about the fact that I am a late bloomer  one who has got where I wanted to be much later in life. Yet, at times I am grateful for the digressions in my path because it has made me a stronger person who can understand others who are similar. 

And, this year the lesson has been simple like mentioned in Max Ehrmann's Desiderata: You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. The bottom line is that the Universe had your back. 

I feel that I have started developing am unconditional love for myself and I do activities that will help me gain this acceptance for myself. And since 2020, a good deal of focus is given on healing and loving yourself especially after the kind of loneliness experienced during the lock down. 

Though some health issues persist and they cause occasional difficulties, on the whole, 2022 has given me opportunities to learn more about the world and chances to meet me new people and read books that I have always wanted to read. I feel grateful for all the blessings that have come my way this last year and for making me meet a self that is stronger and better than last year-a spiritual being open to receive the lessons that life offers.

Merry Christmas

Spring

Handpicked

In many shades, the choices abound;
So tempting to the surprised buyer's mind.
In earthen shades, mud brown or tan,
Or in tints of the ocean, blue and green. 

The choices are too many, each unique
Be it the drape of emerald or turquoise;
The hues of the skies: rainy, cloudy,
Bright, grey or shades of the twilight. 

The mystic magic of the silver raindrops
The pure red on the bride's forehead,
All before me in the form of these drapes
That each look matchless and perfect. 

From the heap before me, I choose a hue
To bring a wordless wonder on your face.

diary of a female quixote

Gratitude

translation of the poem nandi by sugathakumari

To the sunbeams beaming on my path, I owe my gratitude.

To the heavy burden that I carry on my shoulders, I owe my gratitude.

To the shade offered by the wayside trees and to the cuckoo on the tree-top, I owe my gratitude.

To the sharp pain that pricked me on the way and to the sun which reddened my eyes, I owe my gratitude.

To the shoulders which lightened the heavy burden I was carrying and to the well on the wayside, I owe my gratitude.

To your kindness for pouring water into my outstretched palms, I owe my gratitude.

To the treacherous gutters of darkness and to the cool moonlight that was there last night, I owe my gratitude.

To the tiny wildflowers spread on the path and to the birdsong that comes from above, I owe my gratitude.

To the never-ending flow of tears from my eyes and to the compassion that never dies, I owe my gratitude.

In the distance, I can see a lamp lit and offered by someone and I spend my time alone looking at this, with nothing to treasure, with no knowledge for sure, with no blossoms, with no morning.

Humming a song, I follow the direction of a tender call from  somewhere and did you stand and listen to that, dear friends?

Gratitude...gratitude...gratitude

#translation
#poem
#sugathakumari

handpicked

You love the colors of the Earth: the brown of mud, the emerald of the leaves, the blue of the sky, the aquamarine of the ocean, the  golden shades of falling leaves and the red of the sun.  Like a connoisseur of shades, you choose from the options available, drapes that are unique and tell you a story. 

Your eyes lock on a saree that tells you a story in a shade that you have always wanted. You look at wonder at how the maiden managed to capture the heart of the one she desired and held his hand throughout his life through life's ups and downs. 

You remember how as a young bride you glowed basking in his love and your heart misses a beat when you remember the response on his face when he sees you draped in a hue that he loves. Then I think of how you look at me when I wear a saree that you like and it is with this gaze of wordless wonder in mind that I choose a drape from the heap of sarees before me. 

You remember his expression when he first saw you as a bride dressed in emerald green and later in chilly red manthrakodi. From the options available, you choose a drape shaded  neelakurinji flowers expecting to see an expression of wordless wonder on his face. 

Best Friend

I haven't had a true friend in years. Some bitter experiences have made me change my nature and I have become a recluse in the few years. I wonder what it means to be close to someone, to be able to say honestly what is there in your mind. 

For years, you depend on yourself when in trouble and you lean on your inner strength rather than finding an ear to your troubles. You counsel and guard yourself out of all situations and often you wonder, am I the only one content with the quiet loneliness and struggles to talk to others frankly and openly? 

Am I the only one who have been hurt by a friend so much that life has never been the same after it? Then, the recompense in such an experience is that you never lean on any shoulder but wait for your heart to give you the answer.

#best friend

#definitions

Kindle Scribe

Best friend

I haven't had a true friend in years. Some bitter experiences have made me change my nature and I have become a recluse in the few years. I wonder what it means to be close to someone, to be able to say honestly what is there in your mind. 

For years, you depend on yourself when in trouble and you lean on your inner strength rather than finding an ear to your troubles. You counsel and guard yourself out of all situations and often you wonder, am I the only one content with the quiet loneliness and struggles to talk to others frankly and openly? 

Am I the only one who have been hurt by a friend so much that life has never been the same after it? Then, the recompense in such an experience is that you never lean on any shoulder but wait for your heart to give you the answer.

Green Again

Photo: Flickr


A bit of bright blue sky to sing aloud;
A pelt of rain to sleep comfortably;
A bit of thunder and lightning to look
And feel brave and happy at times.

The swooping  airshow by the kites;
Caught by the eye and not on the lens,
The evening palettes in hues of blue,
That brings back some thoughts of you.

Like a chorus in a song, you play nonstop,
While I watch the skies and the rain,
Look at the fresh green banyan leaves
Turn wan in the summer sun like me.

The tiny heart-shaped leaves will flicker,
And our hearts will turn green once again.

Clear the clutter

Once in a while, you need to make that distinction between the essentials and the unwanted clutter in your life. You need to simplify your needs so that you can live a life of contentment and peace. You can give away what you do not need to people who might need them.

In the physical sphere, you need to move out old furniture and create a new workspace or giveaway old clothes so that you can buy new ones. In the emotional sphere, you need to distance yourself from negative people in your life and make new friends who are supportive and loving. Therefore, take time to clear your space so that you can welcome new energy and creativity.

#adailycupofwisdom
#cleartheclutter

forgiveness

Nourishment

Melodies New

Pic Courtesy: The Web

When the sun shines and the moon fades early morning,
While birds sing in trees and the morning is wet with rain,
The wind blowing and hooting along with the noisy raindrops,
You come in my heart as goose bumps and memories,
Your hand holding mine in words that I cannot remember,
You are the rain; you are the rain that made my world spring.

For years my barriers were high, but this moment they’re lost,
For days my heart was barren, without love, now full of love,
Singing melodies and missing my self that was there before you,
Slowly eating away my heart as you go away even a minute,
Again you become rain kissing the leaves, the earth and me,
As nature springs up in delight with rain, I’m alive with you.

Though far away you walked, on a tender moonlit night,
With moon a crescent hung like an ornament from sky,
Your face lit with love, your eyes glittering as you smiled,
Your love as memorable as the moonlit night you left;
My heart remembers you yet knows there’s no going back,
There’s no going back to what we were to each other.

There’s no going back except in dreams and days like this:
When memories are singing along with my frozen heart,
When nature reminds, resurrects and buries emotions,
Like heartbeats that once stopped and ran with your smile;
To feel the love that we made our home in a distant land,
Long ago and far away in the world of forgotten dreams.

The Lovers

The Lovers 

You are my soul mate, my twinflame though we have had a very difficult relationship with each other. When I look at you, it is often like I am seeing myself in a mirror. 

There are times when we come together and the world looks new and happy, full of reasons to celebrate. We enjoy our days of togetherness just like when we were young without feeling the need to possess each other. 

You are that missing piece that I crave for in the days of absence and it is the same desire to be with you that is kindled with one look from your searching eyes. These times of togetherness last as memories to savour on ordinary days. And, I know that this love has defied definitions and has become a sanctuary to rest in. 

#love

#twinflamereunion

#unconditionallove

The Fool

The Fool

You are a child of the universe frolicking like a lamb in the sun.
You soak indulgently in the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and the senses of nature without a care in the world, forgetting time and forgetting the fact that there are so many things you need to do in order to stay in the rat race called life.

You pause time and travel non-linear through its mazes, making sense of the past, the present and the future. You journal and involve yourself in automatic writing or create art so that you can make meaning out of this jigsaw puzzle of unconnected events that you call life.

You are full of naivete and you are inexperienced in the ways of the world yet you move forward unhesitantly without thinking much about what you are about to do. And, your confidence in the rightness of your decisions takes you forward in life. 

The Moon

You know the world of knowledge offered by books and the wisdom of experience shared by the elders.The world around you is huge and overwhelming yet there is this quiet voice that tells you what to you do at every turn on the road. 

This inner voice tells you what to do when presented with options, it whispers magic that your five senses might not understand. It communicates to you wisdom that comes from past lives and from the spiritual world. 

Through the cycles of the moon, it teaches you the rhythms of nature and the laws of setting intentions into motion. It always guides you forward by showing you dreams and then by letting you find the meaning of your dreams. It tells you to stay afloat in the sea of uncertainties just by trusting your inner voice. 

#themoon

#intuition

#spiritualworld